The Hell Is Happening with THE BANANA MONKEYS

/ Kerrie

Banamon, please, please, I already wrote one baffling piece on you this week, stop fueling me.

Oh, god. At this point all I can really do for introductions to this Hell-group is…

PREVIOUSLY ON THE BANANA MONKEYS IDOL DUNGEON…

PHEW. Alright.

First of all, quick update on the stories covered in the previous article. You know how there were rumours that Minmin left for a (probably much easier and better-paying) job at a cabaret club but I couldn’t find anything to back it up? Well, looks like she’s been found. Like Miru, they’re even using the whole “former idol” thing as a means of promotion!

https://twitter.com/ace_akb/status/1064531079405625345

Second update. Someone must have been spreading the word on The Banana Monkeys being an unholy dumpster fire of a group because not even the incentive of 100,000 yen is enough to bring in applications anymore. Also Mozuku’s pregnancy and all. So, they’ve disbanded.

Not really, they’re also holding an open audition on December 4th! Just show up, do your thing, hope for the best.

With a YouTuber as one of the judges, wow!

Which brings us to today, where they’re doing a thing, either to promote this upcoming audition or because The Banana Monkeys just do whatever they damn well feel like. I’m gonna be real with you guys, I have no idea what’s going on.

So, from what I’m gathering via bad translations, the remaining members are doing a 24-hour “documentary” into an average day in the life of a Banana Monkey. With fan participation!

After the “opening ceremony” shown above (really just the members hanging out with fans in the middle of a street) they embark on their journey to the love hotel!

Then they visit a couple of stores.

Minmin re-emerges!!!!

Then things started getting more ????? as usual, because the life of a Banana Monkey alas is not all love hotels and loitering. No doubt due to management suddenly realising “Oh crap, this 100k yen per new member thing is going to drain all of our funding!” Tenka and Mozuku (but not Minmin, because she is sensible) must now challenge themselves to “The Shibuya Homeless Experience”.

Yes, really. What, you thought this group would handle societal problems with dignity?

Banamon must live in boxes for the remainder of the night!

Way to look at Watanabe’s van controversy last year and go “How can we make a van look like a 5-star hotel in comparison?”

Did I mention that the fans had to live in boxes too?

A rough sleep later, and Banamon suddenly leaped from homelessness to speaking at a shareholders meeting. I guess they need to find that 100k somehow?

Do shareholder meetings normally have an Indian language test?

Or sushi?

Then a post-sushi nap because I’m sure trying to sleep in a box will make anyone exhausted enough to just doze off right there on the floor.

After nap time, the fans were challenged to take pics of 5 photos of real couples kissing within 15 minutes, because… some reason. The prize is the 100 million yen that  they were probably saving for the new members, but who cares at this point?

The fans have been ordered to collect cigarette butts. Finally, wota fandom does something good for the environment!

Then… they literally just leave the money on the sidewalk.

They are literally leaving a bag of money on the sidewalk and hoping nobody steals it.

I get it Banamanagement, you have money. Maybe you could have spent it on better working conditions for your idols, but who am I to judge?

After a quick punishment to naughty fans who weren’t collecting cigs, everyone heads back to the office for some mass meditating. Fans on twitter were calling it a “religious experience”. Maybe that video calling idol fandom a cult was right after all?

Of all things, this was the moment that got livestreamed.

And after all that, the 24 hours ended with a rather cryptic tweet.

But wait! It’s not over yet! More desperate than ever for new members, they travel over Shibuya asking random women to join their group! Chill.

I… I think they literally just stole some poor woman off the street, took her back to the office and auditioned her on the spot.

Well, I still don’t have a clue what’s going on, but hey look! New single!