Weeping.
Caleb has been so kind as to translate Shidare’s long message, as well as allowing us to post it on Homicidols. The original can be found here.
I, Futamaruya Shidare have decided to withdraw from Yukueshirezu Tsurezure. First of all, I’d like to say thank you and apologise to those of you I have upset with such a sudden announcement, to those who were looking forward to next meeting me, and those who supported the direction we were going in. The 28th November 2018 was 3 years since I had been announced as an initial member of Yukueshirezu Tsurezure. It was 3 years of thinking, worrying, trying, hesitating, fighting and pushing myself as to how we could make Tsurezure a good group, how we could make our concerts good. However, in some respects I’ve realised I found myself thinking I can no longer stand here, or keep walking on. Even so I pushed through and came to where we are now, but now that Kotetsu and Takara have been so kind as to join us, I came to the conclusion that perhaps Yukueshirezu Tsurezure has a better chance going forward without me, and decided to withdraw. It was my dream as a member to show you Yukueshirezu Tsurezure’s songs and worldview. I still believe Tsurezure’s songs have the power to save people. Our weak yet strong songs embrace a lot of people’s isolation and darkness. However, I feel it regrettable and vexing that I overwhelmingly lack the actual strength to convey our worldview, and if I think about it I might have always been stuck in the same place. And before I knew it I had trapped Tsurezure in my negative loop. I, who wanted to be part of a group, had personally confined Tsurezure. And going on, I thought of the possibility of me changing. However the more I thought about it, I decided to stop clinging on as now I have lost the confidence to dedicate everything as a member of the group; as Yukueshirezu Tsurezure. I originally also thought “what if I could change through our tour that begins this February”. Throw away every part of me, kill it, as if it were life or death and if even then I couldn’t change then I’d think again about quitting. However, as the other members are going into this tour frantically trying to climb higher, I found myself in a completely different direction. I felt that this was a betrayal to my other members and the gunjou who so kindly support us. There are many ways of grasping betrayal. To everyone who was looking forward to the tour, I’m truly sorry. Those of you who said you’d celebrate my birthday in February, those who anticipated Yukueshirezu Tsurezure as a 5 member group, and you who said you’d always support me, I’m sorry. I’ve gone so far as to do this for over 3 years, so I have no regrets. Also, I’ll be looking up from here so Yukueshirezu Tsurezure can continue to shine. I pray I can see Tsurezure and the gunjou smiling from here. Thank you for allowing Futamaruya Shidare into your lives, for letting me live. Yukueshirezu Tsurezure, thank you. Do your best, don’t be defeated, take care.
Futamaruya Shidare
