If you loved the PARADISES single from the other day you’ll be very pleased to know that they have five more songs out today! Let’s hope you really liked that song, because their new releases are the same song but recorded with each individual member of WAgg. You wouldn’t be far off thinking this is another strange WACK marketing tool, but this is actually the result of the latest audition from Watanabe and his conglomerate of girl gangs.
Just like WACK’s Audition Camps have a redemption challenge, so does the online version! Everyone that didn’t make the top 50 has a chance at victory once again, which means we’re in for another week of idol adjacent antics.
Apologies for the so-late-it’s-just-awkwardness of the post, but I forgot that I wanted to make a big deal out of this on Friday because such is life. And what is life, even, now that we have the literally eternal — that is, existing infinitely, beyond the bounds of time and space — presence of NECRONOMIDOL looming within the shadows of existence? Worthless, that’s what it is, but the question is also rhetorical flourish and all right let’s just skip to the point.
NECRONOMIDOL, beloved and befeared like few others, revealed at the risk of inducing utter madness among their followers (or, at least, those who aren’t already under complete spiritual enslavement) some upcoming plans, and yes, I do believe that we’re all going to be happy people:
— NECRONOMIDOL (@NECRONOMIDOL) January 17, 2020
Banamon, please, please, I already wrote one baffling piece on you this week, stop fueling me.
Oh, god. At this point all I can really do for introductions to this Hell-group is…
PREVIOUSLY ON THE BANANA MONKEYS IDOL DUNGEON…
- They added a cute new girl.
- Cute new girl got fired a week later because her side job was too sexy for the group that holds parties in love hotels.
- They released a pretty solid mini-album, actually. You should listen to it.
- Karin says “fuck this shit I’m out” because she’s likely the only sensible person involved in this madness.
- Minmin also says “fuck this shit I’m out” because, like Miru, her side job was just too sexy.
- Now down to just two members, The Banana Monkeys become desperate, and announce an audition with a bonus: Whoever joins next gets $1000 on the condition that they keep up with this insanity for at least three months.
PHEW. Alright. Continue reading
If I could compare THE BANANA MONKEYS to anything at all, it wouldn’t be a banana, nor a monkey. It would be a bottle of Diet Coke. A bottle of Diet Coke that some jackass decided to do the Mentos prank with, then also shook it a few times just to make absolutely sure it would explode in just the right way, once opened. Because, much like a shaken-up Mentos-implanted bottle of Diet Coke, the person/s responsible for THE BANANA MONKEYS is likely a huge jackass. Also, when THE BANANA MONKEYS open up with some news, a whole damn bottle’s worth of eye-raising mess just comes exploding and pouring out and it feels like its never going to stop, until, in the end, we’re left with just a big uncomfortable mess that’s going to be a pain to clean up.
So, first things first. As mentioned in the last Weekender, Karin has decided to jump ship, citing that the general insanity that comes with being a Banana Monkey was just too much for her to deal with. But wait! There’s more!
— THE BANANA MONKEYS@3/14マイナビBLITZ赤坂ワンマン (@info_banamon) November 17, 2018
So, remember that time when newbie Miru left for unexplained reasons, only it turned out she was a “licensed chiropractor”? This is basically a more minor repeat. Minmin (who lasted far longer than Miru ever did) suddenly stopped showing up to events, eventually announcing her withdrawal effective immediately. She claimed it was due to studying getting in the way of idoling, but apparently, it was because she was a cabaret worker? Unlike Miru, whose profile was right there, I couldn’t find anything about it other than the news article talking about the next thing, so let’s just take that one at face value.
So, now Banamon are now three members down, will they keep going as a duo? Of course not, what if they jump ship due to secret side-jobs too? They’re holding a quickie audition! Continue reading
Every so often, especially back in the early days of the site when every idol giggle felt like a momentous event that had to be shared with the world, I used to share audition information. Here’s a great example from way the heck back in the day. Then and even now, the process by which agencies refill their rosters with talent, and how groups sustain themselves through the inevitable chaos of teenagers’ whims and managers’ improprieties, is fascinating. Also alarming sometimes!
Now, friends, thanks to the unique generosity of Tanaka-san and Aqbi Rec, you too have an opportunity to join an all-male idol group under the There There Theres brand, as long as you’re between the ages of 15 and 22 and aren’t a total jerk:
ゼアゼア曲をカバーする期間限定“メンズ”アイドル「HERE HERE HERES（ヒアー・ヒアー・ヒアーズ）」メンバーを募集します！
— THERE THERE THERES (@TTTS_AQBI) September 17, 2018
So ever-so-briefly, Watanabe himself tweeted this out earlier:
March 31, 2018
It was a mistake, and he’s since deleted it, but I may as well let the cat out of the bag now so that you all can get ready for the first official partnership between Homicidols.com and The Most Infamous Man in Idol. Continue reading
My cynicism meter must be cranked all the way up this morning, because as soon as I saw that Watanabe’s Big Message was for yet another live training camp/audition thing, and that dun-dun-duuuuunnnn Aina was going to be a participant, all I could think was: WACK has run completely out of ideas, and this isn’t even remotely fun anymore. The Bring Me to Life BiS auditions were an event; last year’s pre-WACK Fes audition thing, while derivative, still had that element of anticipation; this just feels tired.
But then I bothered to read the stupid article:
— 音楽ナタリー (@natalie_mu) March 6, 2018
Color me somewhat surprised — after Rei unceremoniously split and Rie started up on her solo project, I was among those who thought that Ladybaby, of whatever iteration, was as good as dead. Yes, this is idol, and humans are interchangeable parts, and Ladybaby management has been pretty cutthroat about personnel in the past, but still.
So then imagine how hard the coffee shot out of my face when I read this:
— ラップスター (@VizMajor) January 8, 2018
So I wasn’t going to write about this. I already wrote a big thread on Twitter. But then John poked me asking why this isn’t on here, then I realised that running an idol news blog never stopped Maniac going full-on tin foil hat, so you know what? Screw it.
I’ve come to the (probably false) conclusion that something big is going to happen soon. Something big enough for me to be sat typing nonsense at 2:00 a.m. Something that will really shake up the idol world as long as you’re a WACK fan, probably. My theory?
Nozomi and Uika are going to quit BILLIE IDLE and re-join BiS.
And I have evidence to back it up! Continue reading