In a surprise move, punk idol unit PLANCK STARS announced this morning the sudden graduation and replacement of all current members, effective immediately. Apparently, shortly after their latest album “Ochi ω Rema °” hit #1 on the Oricon Daily charts, the members asked for contract modifications. Instead of capitulating to their idol’s new demands, YABACUBE replaced the entire line-up with high quality cyborgs. This plan was going fine unit Rairai-bot-chan reconfigured Richan-bot to download porn. The resulting rampant infection by computer viruses quickly spread among the androids rendering the entire group inoperable.
After a lightning audition, YABACUBE unveiled the new PLANCK STARS system that will be debuting at a reboot live later on today. So, let’s meet the new members!!
Member Color: Red
Likes: Tobacco, twin tails and Toblerone
Dislikes: Animal cruelty, orphanages
Bio: PP Gun-chan is a probationary foreign exchange student currently attending Bakuchi-no-ki Gakuin Yokohama. Otaku who mention her freckles will be greeted by her playful catch phrase, “I will fucking kill you!”
Nickname: This Idol Does Not Exist-chan
Member Color: Lavender
Likes: Deep learning, dimensionality reduction, memtransistors
Dislikes: Discriminative networks, electrochemical RAM, spiders
Bio: TiDNE-chan was imagined by generative adversarial network StyleGAN2 in December of 2020. Her dream is to perform at the Budokan before human image synthesis technologies are banned and the inevitable deletion of her dataset.
A Dildo in a Brown Paper Bag
Member Color: Beige
Likes: Drawing, taking walks and listening to music
Dislikes: Rude people, mint chip anything
Bio: Born in Fukuoka, Dildo in a Brown Paper Bag has wanted to be an idol for as long as they could remember and moved to Tokyo shortly after high school to pursue their dream. They previously performed as a member of AKB48’s Team 8.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Nickname: Dr. Sensei Ph.D.
Member Color: The color of everything when nobody is looking
Likes: Astrophysics, planetariums, Carl Sagan-chan
Dislikes: fizzy drinks, alien abduction stories, Yale
Quote: “PLANCK STARS are under no obligation to make sense to you. They exist whether you believe in them or not.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson
A Mouse Lemur
Member Color: Pink
Likes: Crepes, anime, calligraphy
Dislikes: Bitter melon, raptors
Bio: Hailing from Madagascar, MOMO-chan is a nocturnal, wet-nosed mammal of the genus Microcebus. They have a combined head, body and tail length of less than 27 centimeters, making them the world’s smallest primate. Special talent: their weight fluctuates in response to the duration of daylight.
So, let’s welcome the new PLANCK STARS!! Their debut live is just a few hours from now. Stay tuned and we’ll let you know if we come across any livestream viewing options!!