In a surprise move, punk idol unit PLANCK STARS announced this morning the sudden graduation and replacement of all current members, effective immediately. Apparently, shortly after their latest album “Ochi ω Rema °” hit #1 on the Oricon Daily charts, the members asked for contract modifications. Instead of capitulating to their idol’s new  demands, YABACUBE replaced the entire line-up with high quality cyborgs. This plan was going fine unit Rairai-bot-chan reconfigured Richan-bot to download porn. The resulting rampant infection by computer viruses quickly spread among the androids rendering the entire group inoperable.

After a lightning audition, YABACUBE unveiled the new PLANCK STARS system that will be debuting at a reboot live later on today. So, let’s meet the new members!!

PiiPii TOPGUN

Nickname: PPTP

Member Color: Red

Likes: Tobacco, twin tails and Toblerone

Dislikes: Animal cruelty, orphanages

Bio: PP Gun-chan is a probationary foreign exchange student currently attending Bakuchi-no-ki Gakuin Yokohama. Otaku who mention her freckles will be greeted by her playful catch phrase, “I will fucking kill you!”

TiDNE

Nickname: This Idol Does Not Exist-chan

Member Color: Lavender

Likes: Deep learning, dimensionality reduction, memtransistors

Dislikes: Discriminative networks, electrochemical RAM, spiders

Bio: TiDNE-chan was imagined by generative adversarial network StyleGAN2 in December of 2020. Her dream is to perform at the Budokan before human image synthesis technologies are banned and the inevitable deletion of her dataset.

A Dildo in a Brown Paper Bag

Nickname: Bag-chan

Member Color: Beige

Likes: Drawing, taking walks and listening to music

Dislikes: Rude people, mint chip anything

Bio:  Born in Fukuoka, Dildo in a Brown Paper Bag has wanted to be an idol for as long as they could remember and moved to Tokyo shortly after high school to pursue their dream. They previously performed as a member of AKB48’s Team 8.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Nickname: Dr. Sensei Ph.D.

Member Color: The color of everything when nobody is looking

Likes: Astrophysics, planetariums, Carl Sagan-chan

Dislikes: fizzy drinks, alien abduction stories, Yale

Quote: “PLANCK STARS are under no obligation to make sense to you. They exist whether you believe in them or not.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

A Mouse Lemur

Nickname: MOMO-chan

Member Color: Pink

Likes: Crepes, anime, calligraphy

Dislikes: Bitter melon, raptors

Bio: Hailing from Madagascar, MOMO-chan is a nocturnal, wet-nosed mammal of the genus Microcebus. They have a combined head, body and tail length of less than 27 centimeters, making them the world’s smallest primate. Special talent: their weight fluctuates in response to the duration of daylight.

So, let’s welcome the new PLANCK STARS!! Their debut live is just a few hours from now. Stay tuned and we’ll let you know if we come across any livestream viewing options!!