The action in the ring takes on an incredible pace as one idol after another makes a play for the microphone

The Kamen Joshi lumberjills scream in delight when Yurapiko literally put her fingers around the thing, only to be dumped completely out of the ring by Hanako-san!

Aina and Sari look hard at each other. Sari goes for the nearest ladder, but Aina beats her to it. And while they wrestle for control, Hanako-san sets up one of her own!

The literal undead toilet dead girl nearly reaches the top before either Sari or Aina can respond; Sari, in a panic, rakes Aina’s eyes and chases the diminutive ghost idol, catching brass knuckles to the jaw for her trouble! The fans go bananas!

Just as Hanako-san closes her hands around the mic–

“EXCUSE ME!”

Everybody and everything stops as Pour Lui — heavily bandaged, arms and legs in casts, in a wheelchair — appears at the top of the ramp with Watanabe there to guide her.

“This has been a travesty from the very beginning. Homicidol Maniac, you let me in that ring right now so that I can take what is rightfully mine.”

Maniac finds a microphone

Pour Lui, for the love of all things unholy, give it up. You caught the beating of a lifetime yesterday and–

“NOW GO DO IT NOW!”

All eyes swing back to the ring where Aina the End has caught up to Hanako-san — with no regard for the well-being of anything but her own ego, she tosses the living urban legend to the mat!

“We did it, Aina, we di– WHOA!”

Out of nowhere, Ricky Wilson body-checks Watanabe from behind, sending Pour Lui careening down the ramp! She CRASHES through the Kamen Joshi girls!

Aina grabs the mic!

Yurapiko scrambles back in and tips over the ladder, sending Aina to her doom!

Ricky runs to ringside

“Sari!”

Yura and Sari stand facing each other. They’ve been here before.

Ricky pulls away from the desperate grasp of the Mask Girls and vaults the ropes, immediately setting up the only remaining ladder

“Sari, do it!”

Hanako-san is back to her feet; Ricky facepalms her away at arm’s length

“Sari.”

The two friends share a smile. Yurapiko breaks the ice.

“It’s okay, Sari. You should have it.”

“No, Yura.”

“I’m not going to be an idol for much longer, but you, you have literally all of eternity and probably the timelines of several other corrupted universes left. If anybody should be the queen, it should be you.”

A tear rolls down Yura’s cheek; the spider on Sari’s happily devours it

Sari nods. Pour Lui wails.

Idol fans worldwide, I give you the first Homicidols Queen of the Scene, Sari from NECRONOMIDOL!

Earlier

Aina attempted to spring a BiSH attack on her foes at a moment of weakness, but her three adversaries fought them off!

Even Earlier

Sari used NECRONOMIDOL’s aid to begin a head-and-shoulders rise over the competition! What could possibly break the dead heat?

More Earlierer

Necroma won the impromptu Battle of the Besties by smiting Guso Drop from the ring after … well, it was complicated.

The Very Beginning

We go backstage at Homicidol Arena, where Sari from NECRONOMIDOL is preparing for the fight of her life

Sari mutters to herself

“Friggin’ stupid contest. It’s rigged anyway. Yes, Beelzebub, I know. I KNOW! I’ll feed you when I get back.”

Kakizaki Risaki materializes from a shadow

“Sari, we’re ready.”

Sari smiles

“Excellent.”

In the next dressing room over, Yurapiko from Guso Drop spars with groupmate Waka

“Stick and move, Yura. We don’t know what that idiot Maniac has in store, but you need to stay on your toes no matter what.”

Yura pirouettes and throws a vicious spinning backhand at her friend

“You guys, too.”

Waka smiles

“We know.”

The camera dips out into the corridor, where WACK manager Watanabe Junnosuke and NECRONOMIDOL manager Ricky Wilson are whispering together next to the door to the dressing room of BiSH’s Aina the End

Inside, Aina is warming up, alone, doing burpees and chanting a mantra to herself

“Idol is shit. Idol is shit. I am idol. I am shit.”

In the restroom, Hanako-san gleefully stuffs a backpack with a toilet brush, paper, a mannequin head … and brass knuckles

Homicidol Maniac, looking oddly like Howard Finkel, stands in the center of the ring

Welcome, friends, to the whole shebang, the final clash of titans to determine just who, indeed, is Queen of the Scene. We spent the last week brutalizing idols for our own amusement, and now they get to clear it out, leaving only one standing. She will be Queen of the Scene. And, of course, the Official Oshi of Homicidols.com until dethroned.

Today’s contest will be the single greatest contest in the history of Homicidols.com. For starters, it’s a LUMBERJILL MATCH!

The entirety of Kamen Joshi, masks and weapons and all, streams down to ringside

That’s right — there is no escape, and even leaving the ring will catch you a vicious beating. They’ll also, hopefully, keep any … outside distractions to a minimum.

Now, the second stipulation — there are NO disqualifications. Which is a good thing, because we’re bringing back the tables, ladders and chairs!

A Babybones crew rapidly descends from the rafters and places a whole crapload of hardware in the ring

And, finally, those tables, ladders and chairs are going to come in handy, because the winner of the match won’t score a pinfall, won’t gain a submission, won’t even knock anybody out. No, the winner of the match will be the first to grab the microphone suspended 12 feet above the ring by this hilariously unstable Rube Goldberg device!

Like 30 gears turn and rabbits eat carrots and revolvers fire and, finally, the mic drops into view

It’s a race to 40, competitors, but don’t think for a second that things will be that straightforward. Best of luck to you!

IT’S ABOUT TO GET VERY WEIRD IN HERE