If I could compare THE BANANA MONKEYS to anything at all, it wouldn’t be a banana, nor a monkey. It would be a bottle of Diet Coke. A bottle of Diet Coke that some jackass decided to do the Mentos prank with, then also shook it a few times just to make absolutely sure it would explode in just the right way, once opened. Because, much like a shaken-up Mentos-implanted bottle of Diet Coke, the person/s responsible for THE BANANA MONKEYS is likely a huge jackass. Also, when THE BANANA MONKEYS open up with some news, a whole damn bottle’s worth of eye-raising mess just comes exploding and pouring out and it feels like its never going to stop, until, in the end, we’re left with just a big uncomfortable mess that’s going to be a pain to clean up.
So, first things first. As mentioned in the last Weekender, Karin has decided to jump ship, citing that the general insanity that comes with being a Banana Monkey was just too much for her to deal with. But wait! There’s more!
— THE BANANA MONKEYS@3/14マイナビBLITZ赤坂ワンマン (@info_banamon) November 17, 2018
So, remember that time when newbie Miru left for unexplained reasons, only it turned out she was a “licensed chiropractor”? This is basically a more minor repeat. Minmin (who lasted far longer than Miru ever did) suddenly stopped showing up to events, eventually announcing her withdrawal effective immediately. She claimed it was due to studying getting in the way of idoling, but apparently, it was because she was a cabaret worker? Unlike Miru, whose profile was right there, I couldn’t find anything about it other than the news article talking about the next thing, so let’s just take that one at face value.
So, now Banamon are now three members down, will they keep going as a duo? Of course not, what if they jump ship due to secret side-jobs too? They’re holding a quickie audition!
— THE BANANA MONKEYS@3/14マイナビBLITZ赤坂ワンマン (@info_banamon) November 19, 2018
Now, normally how it goes with idol auditions is that girls apply, whoever wins gets to join the group, and that’s it. But that’s not how Banamon rolls. Or, moreso, Banamon are known for their questionable management and are starting to get desperate to find someone who isn’t going to jump ship after a week because she’s tired of their shenanigans or because she gives great massages.
Nope, nope. Not only do the winners of this audition get the absolute pleasure of joining the idol group whose motto might as well be “Let’s do OG BiS but stupider,” they also get a grand prize of 100,000 yen! (That’s roughly $10,00). Of course, they’ll get the money, so long as they agree to remain a member for at least three to four months, in time for their 2nd-anniversary celebrations.
Any logical person would probably see this opportunity and go “This sounds sketchy as shit, I’m not doing that!” but, see, even though the audition is being advertised as a “great opportunity for college girls behind on their rent to make some quick money” I highly doubt Banamanagement are exactly looking for logical people to join their hell-group.
Let’s wrap up this article with Banamon’s very own tribute to the girl who was far too logical.