I Don’t Think Minna no Kodomo-chan Can Tone It Down, You Guys

Just last night, I was getting a meal with a younger friend, and the barely audible radio took up a familiar melody. I needed a second to place it, but only a second, and was soon bouncing along and enthusiastically adding my own “Mmmbop, ba duba dop” along with the iconic tween band. The response was an eyeroll, which led to a discussion in which I copped to always loving the crap out of stupid Hanson despite “being a proper young edgelord and always pretending like I was too cool for that.” This in turn spawned a conversation about what constitutes and edgelord, and at what age it officially becomes not okay to pose as one, and whether edgelords or scene kids or hipsters are worse, and anyway this anecdote is taking on a life of its own.

The point is, what I wanted to drive home to my friend is that edgelords, for good or ill, can easily be spotted by their complete and utter refusal to operate under any speed other than full, and their expectation that others do the same. It can, frankly, be refreshingly honest and committed behavior, with candid dialogue between trusted peers provided means by which we grow and change as necessary. It can also be completely obnoxious!

Now, see: title, and come back to me and ask aloud whether you think that I’m attempting to call out Minna no Kodomo-chan, winners of the Corenament and big 2018 breakouts. Go ahead! I don’t bite. Okay, great question, and no, not really. The principle, I think, does apply, because while I could not possibly be more excited about a new single coming out in less time than it’s going to take me to overreact to the news, let’s regard the whole thing and then see where it takes us.

For one thing, that’s a great look. For another thing, if you really want to get people to think that your song is about something awful, could it possibly have a better title than “cancer”? Answer: No. And it’s so flexible! You could be talking about disease, or the people who drag you down, or the most overrated sign in the zodiac. But I’m guessing that it’s going to be a social metaphor, you know? Kind of fits with the style.

Will some people find it tasteless? No doubt. Does it nonetheless evoke strong feelings? Yes, as art should. Is it probably going to be loud and nasty as hell? Absolutely. And that’s great. Commit to what you’re doing, you know? Like none of this poser stuff — your whole shtick has been this fraught psyche made flesh, so why not embrace that to the hilt and go right for people’s emotional jugulars? Or are they even capable of shifting to another emotional window? The B-side says maybe, but my heart says no because I love the idea of Honoka very sweetly poisoning her host family during a visit to Canada as a foreign exchange student; that’s just how dark these two are!

If their (superb) album was an indicator, I think we’re in for a treat.