Garry’s Final Tokyo Travelogue Is Full of Obvious Lies and Falsehoods

/ Homicidol Maniac

You guys, I think we all enjoyed parts 1 and 2 (really 2 and 3!) of Garry’s travelogue from his recent “la-dee-da, look at me, I’m so cool and special because I had the trip of a lifetime in Tokyo” sojourn. Part 3 (actually 4!), on the other hand, I know for an absolute fact contains not a single bit of truth. You’d have to be the most gullible person alive to believe half of what this guy’s saying.

Like:

Don’t let the hair and dramatic looking Twitter photos fool you, Sari (NECRONOMIDOL) was so nice to talk to and I’m pretty sure I got way more time with her than anyone else did so that was a plus.

Everybody knows that more than a few fleeting seconds in Sari’s presence leads to spontaneous human combustion.

Also?

I was kind of distracted when Uika and Akira came and stood next to me

That’s allegedly First Summer Uika, the literal Prime Mover, and fellow Billie Idler Akira. Garry survived the encounter to write about it? Yeah, right. I mean, in his alleged shoes, I might — might — have remained conscious long enough to process that First Summer Cormorant Squid herself was approaching, but all bets would theretofore be off.

Here’s the real kicker:

I had managed to somehow get myself on the guest list for Zenbu Kimi no Sei da’s “emergency one-man live” at Shinjuku MARZ.

Bullshit.

This was simultaneously the best and also the saddest show of the whole trip. It was the best because the crowd were super into it, I’m talking pits, crowd surfing, wotagei, pretty much anything you can think of happened at this show. It was just incredible to be there and experience it.

Everybody knows that Zenkimi shows are naturally placid environments!

this whole thing ended with both of them announcing their graduations.

Well, that part’s accurate, I guess.

Go read the whole thing. Just be warned that it involves:

Yep! I GOT MY STUPID T-SHIRT!

Also, GARRY, if you auction off my personal info, you’ll be very disappointed. Set a fixed price and negotiate down instead!