A Very Hairy Journey Into The Familiar And Surprising

As the designated Ladybeard expert (aka. the one who saw Deadlift Lolita perform live that one time and didn’t even get to interview them) when the first new tracks by his newest project Babybeard came out last week, Team Homicidols were practically begging me to cover this. “Come on Kerrie you lazy ass, you haven’t written an article in months!” they demanded. “If the biggest news and entertainment site in the world can make millions from copy-pasting Reddit threads you can spend five minutes copy-pasting your old tweets and stroke the Lady’s Beard for a couple of clicks!” they typed, probably furiously.

So as the designated Ladybeard expert, I relented. “Eh, sure”.

So, BABYBEARD!

Look familiar? Sure they do, because when this project was unveiled a couple of weeks ago at least half the replies I saw were ripping Madame Mustache for the lack of creativity. Everything, from the costumes, to the name, to the way those sweet girls even sort of look like a young Rie and Rei, just screamed “I actually just wanted to do 1st gen Ladybaby again but I didn’t want to be sued nor invent a time machine”.

While I took part in the mockery, I remained cautiously optimistic. Sure, Deadlift Lolita wasn’t a massive departure from Ladybaby either, but perhaps this is all a ruse and when the first Fetus Stubble song comes out it’s going to subvert all our expectations. Maybe we’ve been duped into mocking what will be a fantastic display of the finest Bluegrass idols Japan has to offer.

And then that fateful day came and…

NIPPON KARA KONNICHIWA sounded exactly as expected. I mean, it’s fine. SUZU and KOTOMI are adorable and are doing a wonderful job throughout, and I certainly wouldn’t press skip if it was playing on shuffle, but I was just a little disappointed at its lack of creativity.

But then, PIENNIZER began to play, and, just as BABYBEARD promised, my life was changed.

This… is a masterpiece. This is a contender for Song of the Year. Do you know how much I’ve missed trashy eurobeat in my J-Pop?? This is coming from someone who will die on the hill that Dance Dance Revolution is one of the greatest things to happen to both gaming and the music industry. If you had proposed to me “let’s take Yui Ga Dockson’s Like a virgin, de-filth the lyrics and put a weird Australian man screaming over the top of it” I would have said “That sounds ridiculous, but I’d probably stream it”. Damn straight, I’m streaming this right now. We all need to be streaming this. The world needs more Aussie screamo Eurobeat and that is a fact.

If my argument isn’t enough, at least listen to this for the moment where Female Face-Fur screams “DON’T CRY, BABY” because when I first caught that it gave me the very specific mental image of him holding his newborn child and screaming that at the poor little babe, and that had me giggling for at least an hour afterwards.

So, Ladybeard and BABYBEARD’s management, if you somehow happen to be reading this, I apologise for my initial dismissiveness. But please take into consideration; just go all-out bonkers with this project. NIPPON KARA KONNICHIWA was playing it safe, but PIENNIZER became far more memorable just by switching things up even just a little. I genuinely think, if BABYBEARD experiments more, and plays up the silliness even further, it can become an extremely fun group to follow, and it could even break out of the shadow of LADYBABY if you try hard enough.

Anyway, please recommend me more eurobeat idols in the comments.