It’s here! It’s here! Is it Christmas? /checks It’s not Christmas! It’s not even close to Christmas! And yet, here we are, BILLIE IDLE with their new enhancement in the form of Pour Lui herself, re-joining forces with verified goddess First Summer Uika and immortal best idol friend Hirano Nozomi, a supergroup if that were actually possible given that they’ve all been together before … yeah, still breathing.
Anyway! “Time Traveler” from the new BILLIeD IDOL 2.0 double album monstrosity:
Pour Lui joins BILLIE IDLE … or did BILLIE IDLE join Pour Lui?
Episode 34: Makeover Montage
A new era of BILLIE IDLE is upon us, and that means new costumes! But, being separated from WACK (while still having to put up with them) means that BILLIE IDLE has roughly the budget of a preteen garage band owned by Dingo Pictures. BILLIE IDLE have been stuck in green screen/cheap animation hell for three years! But thanks to the Japanese equivalent of B&M Bargains (probably), and the token “aesthetic” captives of the dungeon, Tenten and Kosho, maybe they can create something dynamic and beautiful for a new era. The Momose sisters will love their new costumes!
Episode 35: House Of Cards
The Momose sisters didn’t love their new costumes. Not even seconds after their reveal, Momo and Akira gagged, swore, set the costumes on fire and locked everyone but Megumi (Momo had already agreed to dye her hair) in the dungeon until it was time for dance practice! “Puu, for fuck’s sake, why did you give them a spare key?” Tentenko growled through the palm that was planted against her face. “Well, now that we’re all united as one group, I thought it would only be fair that I gave everyone else in BILLIE IDLE a spare key to my dungeon as a symbol of trust and unity,” Pour Lui explained. “Then where the hell is my key!?” Non piped up. “I didn’t get one either!” Uika fumed.
“Um… um… card games!” Pour Lui stuttered, as she shifted through the card pile.
Episode 36: Battle Idol Society
Nozomi checked her watch. “Still three hours until dance practice” she sighed.
“All the more time to play another card game!” the Pourverlord chucked.
“Puu, please, I’m sick to death of these bloody card games! We’ve been playing nothing but card games for seven hours!” Uika groaned, exasperated.
“Oh!” Tenko jumped, scrambling to pick up the leftovers from the ill-fated costume design foray. “I know! I know! Who’s up for some arts and crafts?”
“Yaaay” the others unenthusiastically droned in unison.
Then Netflix saw this and decided to revive Robot Wars for another season.
Episode 37: Makeover Montage Part 2
Oh, finally, a makeup tutorial, I was wondering how long until PuuTube jumped into that genre.
Episode 38: Makeover Montage Part 3
Did you know Saki likes to cosplay? You do now.
Episode 39: Makeover Montage Part 4: The Paddening
LUI is IDLE would be an amazing title for ths post, but it’s the opposite!
It turns out that the only thing that Pour Lui can’t do well is retire. Yes, friends, despite having tied up her BiS career twice now, and despite being old enough to be mother to most of RIOT BABY, Lui, idol GOAT and progenitor of most things loud and bloody and rude, is coming back … with BILLIE IDLE:
Hey, thanks for rebooting on me, phone. If Uipon hadn’t coyly suggested that something was going to happen, I’d have never known that we were going to be presented with as a sure a live-revitalizer as you’re ever going to get. From single out next week:
Of course Noni plays the sax
Someday, BILLIE IDLE will get the respect they deserve for their music and MVs. “Why Maniac,” you say, “BILLIE IDLE is quite popular!” And that’s true, but it’s also not true enough; while they’re not here trying to shift too many paradigms or experiment, BILLIE IDLE does one thing better than anybody: Full-on acceleratrix punk rock that oozes attitude on a spectrum somewhere between fun and MOAR FUN, shared with a no-frills look — it’s the members and the music that matter, not the presentation — and wrapped in a style that really is uniquely theirs.
And that’s before taking the cartoon aspect into account! If there’s anything wrong with many BILLIE IDLE MVs, it’s that they deprive the world of more direct encounters with the members, a crime in its own right even without allowing for the necessary genuflections before Head Goddess in Charge First Summer Uika. Not dissimilarly to Bill and Ted, these are talents and personalities whose true power needs to be harnessed for the elusive goals of human equality and world peace. Maybe some of their celebrity friends can step up and start getting the word out.
You do have to wonder how long they can keep this up. There aren’t a ton of idols who stay active well into their 20s, and Uipon’s inching ever closer to 30. Maybe that’s why they seem hellbent on scaring the crap out of me every few months.
If you crazy kids are regular followers of that hip new rock ‘n’ roll idol group BILLIE IDLE, you may have noticed a whole mess of references to something called “P.S.R.I.P.” lately. Ominous, no, after LAST ALBUM? Kind of!
Well, it’s a single. John with the heavy lifting:
We knew to expect something from Billie Idle today, we just didn’t know what. So we had to wait around for the announcement, as usual. 今晩22時にお知らせがあります。 — BILLIE IDLE® (@b_idle_official) February 22, 2018
So after all of that, at the completion of their LAST TOUR to support LAST ALBUM, the one with the apocalyptic artwork that spawned one of the truly incredible idol conspiracy theories ever floated in a space that loves nothing more than indulging in wild hyperbolic conjecture, shortly after announcing the LAST CHRISTMAS performance, BILLIE IDLE, who are not idol if you ask, announced … a new single and tour for the spring:
Leaving aside the fact that one of the greatest assemblages of humanity to ever hit the stage will continue to hit the stage (and be assemblaged!), and that First Summer Uika in particular won’t stop not-idoling until she’s in her 40s, this is a betrayal of trust so deep that it makes me want to give up the game forever. I AM OFFEND.
So I wasn’t going to write about this. I already wrote a big thread on Twitter. But then John poked me asking why this isn’t on here, then I realised that running an idol news blog never stopped Maniac going full-on tin foil hat, so you know what? Screw it.
I’ve come to the (probably false) conclusion that something big is going to happen soon. Something big enough for me to be sat typing nonsense at 2:00 a.m. Something that will really shake up the idol world as long as you’re a WACK fan, probably. My theory?
Nozomi and Uika are going to quit BILLIE IDLE and re-join BiS.