The Corenament Championship Affair

EXT. SAN ANTONIO – NIGHT

Thousands of idol fans crowd the streets, chanting MIX to nothing in particular, jubilant in having taken part in such a spectacle as the 2018 Homicidols Corenament final

LOCAL NEWSCASTER: As you can see, it’s absolute pandemonium here outside the Alamodome. People are still having a hard time believing that Minna no Kodomo-chan did what should have been impossible in riding the Loser’s Bracket all the way to back-to-back thrashings of trendy pick Kaqriyo Terror Architect. It’s quite a sight!

VIZ MAJOR stumbles by, DRUNK, waving a CUSTOMIZED PEN BY CFH COSPLAY

VIZ MAJOR: I TOLD YOU PEOPLE! I TOLD YOU! NUMBER ONE!

INT. ALAMODOME – COURT – CONTINUOUS

Fans, staff and parents are gathered around HONO, CINNAMON and PRODUCER-SAN, and surrounding all of them are REPORTERS and PHOTOGRAPHERS. Producer-san is wearing a BASKETBALL NET around his neck

PRODUCER-SAN: The important thing was that we never said never. We believed in ourselves and refused to quit. We never said die out there, and we worked together as a team, and we definitely made sure that we did it for the fans, because our fans are the best fans in the world.

HONO: I still don’t know what happened!

REPORTER: Cinnamon, the phrase “dunked on” is used a lot these days to describe any kind of sudden domination, but you very literally dunked all over Kaqriyo Terror Architect. What was your secret?

CINNAMON: I just put my faith and trust in Maniac.

PRODUCER-SAN: I– We– Actually, we turned to the greatest fans in the world to help us out! Yeah!

A loud WOOOOOOOO! from the fans!

HONO: Let’s do one more show!

INT. ALAMODOME – HOME LOCKER ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The entirety of TEAM CODOMOMENTAL — members of ZENBU KIMI NO SEI DA and NOT SECURED, LOOSE ENDS, plus MILCBOY, plus GESSHI and SYVA and PRODUCER-SAN and THE ANONYMOUS TRANSLATOR — surround crushed, crestfallen KAQRIYO TERROR ARCHITECT.

MEGUMI: What happened to the adjustments?

NONAMER: We made them. We did everything in the plan. We tried!

SHIDARE: DO OR DO NOT THERE IS NO TRY!

YAMA-MACHO: Can we please be proud of what we did anyway? We didn’t even exist a year ago, and we almost won the whole Corenament.

The air is SUCKED out of the room. Milcboy calmly walks over to Yama-macho. Their eyes meet. Milcboy looks calm, delicate, almost sensually in her BLISS. And she SLAPS Yama-macho square across the face!

MILCBOY: The problem is that you showed them mercy. Oh, they’re just a couple of teenagers, what do they know, what can they do?

PRODUCER-SAN: They whooped your asses, that’s what they did.

GESSHI: We do not train to be merciful. Mercy is for the weak. An idol confronts you, she is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.

SYVA: I want everybody in this room to understand that this does not happen again. I don’t write songs until my brain bleeds so that we can get shown up by a couple of tarts in tutus with posterboards strapped to their backs. Queen of the Scene is just a few months away, and one of you is going to win it. Do you understand?

KAQRIYO TERROR ARCHITECT: (murmuring) Yes, sensei.

SYVA: I CAN’T HEAR YOU. ALL OF YOU!

IDOLS: YES, SENSEI!

SYVA: So what do we do?

IDOLS: PREPARE!

SYVA: Prepare what?

IDOLS: THE WAY OF THE FIST, SIR!

SYVA: And what is that way?

IDOLS: STRIKE HARD, STRIKE FAST, NO MERCY, SIR!

INT. ALAMODOME – BOWELS – CONTINUOUS

Two tiny female figures walk slowly through the dim lighting of a SERVICE CORRIDOR

SISTER JEAN: I think it went well.

HANAKO-SAN: And nobody suspects a thing.

SISTER JEAN: It was very selfless of you.

HANAKO-SAN: It was for the greater good.

SISTER JEAN: The greater good. (beat) They’ll be good champions, I think.

HANAKO-SAN: Yes, they represent us all well. More people should know about them.

SISTER JEAN: And you’ll be rewarded for your sacrifices.

HANAKO-SAN: I don’t know–

SISTER JEAN: The Lord provides, Hanako-san. The Lord always provides. And no good deed goes unpunished.

Stay tuned for Queen of the Scene, coming this summer!


2018 Homicidols Corenament Final Results

Final Four: Minna no Kodomo-chan, Kaqriyo Terror Architect, BiSH, Hanako-san

Winning Bracket Boss: Viz Major

Money in the Bank Briefcase: 2&

Thanks to everybody for playing, and special thanks to the Bracket Bosses and the very generous prize-giver, CFH Cosplay!

2 thoughts on “The Corenament Championship Affair

  1. As bad as google translate is for us going from Japanese to English it must be 10 times worse for the poor idols, management and wotas doing the reverse with your snark laden and insider reference filled writing.

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