And Now, the Queen of the Scene Final

It’s time, it’s time! Literally dozens of fans are pouring into Homicidols Arena to witness today’s epic matchup between our challenger, Himari from NECRONOMIDOL, and the currently reigning and herself kind of new Official Oshimen of Homicidols.com, Queen of the Scene and Mother of Dragons Saki from 2&!

The Commish has the mic down at ringside; let’s see what he has to say.

MANIAC: Welcome, humanoids. We’re going to make this simple today. Himari … well, nobody should be allowed to use those kinds of foreign objects in a battle royale. Conversely, I like keeping my blood in my body, so she stays. Saki, you have every right to be here, but people are still kind of sore about how that all went down.

So I thought I’d make this interesting. Instead of just one simple, straightforward contest, the two of you are going to face off in something that I’m calling —

Three Levels of Hell

That’s right! This is a best-of-three smash-em-up with a 9-hour time limit. It looks like this: Continue reading

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The Royal-But-Not-That-One Rumble Aftermath

INT. CODOMO CLUB – NIGHT

The place is just as tawdry as when we last saw it. TOGARE and YOTSU haven’t moved, but PRODUCER-SAN has; now he LEANS over the table in front of him, a sour SNEER on his face.

On the table, MASHIRO, clinging to life.

And across from them, held in ARMBARS by MEGUMI and MILCBOY, are very beat-up KOMACHI, SHIDARE and NONAMERA.

PRODUCER-SAN: Look at her.

Megumi and Shonen ga Milc PUSH their captives closer!

PRODUCER-SAN: I want answers.

KOMACHI: I–

PRODUCER-SAN: Not from you. You did your part. But if you know what Shida was going to do …

SHIDARE: She didn’t do anything. It was my idea.

PRODUCER-SAN: Go on.

SHIDARE: (struggling) I thought that we could distract Himari’s hair and–

MILCBOY: What?! Why do you think I was there? I had a curling iron in my backpack!

PRODUCER-SAN: Well, your thinking almost got Mashiro killed. It’s going to take weeks to put her back together.

MEGUMI: And we lost.

PRODUCER-SAN: And you, Nonamera. Maybe now I understand why your old company kicked you out.

NONAMERA: You said that we needed to win! I had to do something!

Producer-san PONDERS for a long BEAT.

PRODUCER-SAN: (to Megumi and Milcboy) Take them to the Cellar, and bring the other girls back. I want to have a conversation with them.

Megumi and Milcboy JOSTLE Nonamera and Shidare out of the room.

PRODUCER-SAN: (to Mashiro’s unconscious body) One of these days. One of these days … Continue reading

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It’s a Queen of the Scene Battle Royale!

Welcome one and all to the Queen of the Scene Battle Royale! Today, 30 idols will enter the ring, and one will emerge victorious as the #1 contender for Queen of the Scene. Her reward? A one-on-one matchup with none other than Saki of 2&!

The way it will work is this: The match begins with 10 idols in the ring. Every 15 minutes or so*, another idol from the roster revealed yesterday, or a surprise competitor, will enter the fray. You will show your support for the idols in the ring by voting — every time one idol reaches 10 votes, that’s a sign that somebody (the lowest vote-getter) has been eliminated. May multiples be eliminated at once? IS WATANABE JUNNOSUKE A HOSER?

At the end, the winner gets a one-time winner-take-all shot at Saki of 2& for the right to call herself Queen of the Scene and to represent Homicidols.com as the Official Oshimen. These aren’t low stakes, folks!

Yes, it’s going to be weird and wild and chaotic, and I haven’t even mentioned the various wildcard twist and turns that I’m going to throw in because it’s fun and also this is wrestling. Like, imagine somebody having a meddling manager! Or a best frenemy! Or super powers! The best part is, the voting resets with each elimination, so you can continue to support your favorites throughout with nary a worry of spending your effort at the wrong place or the wrong time.

Let’s get to it! Continue reading

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Tomorrow’s Queen of the Scene Entrants Revealed!

EXT. DARK ALLEY – SHINJUKU – NIGHT

Amid the HUSTLE AND BUSTLE of the Tokyo streets, this alleyway stands a world apart, an environment of raw gloaming juxtaposed by the bright lights without. MINNA NO KODOMOCHAN, HONOKA and CINNAMON, stand furtively facing a closed DOOR.

Cinnamon: This is the right place, right?

Honoka: I … I think so?

The door is steel, poorly painted and rusting at the edges. A handwritten sign: CODOMO CLUB.

Hono KNOCKS.

And nothing happens.

Suddenly, Cinnamon SCREAMS and Hono spins around and there before the girls is MILCBOY!

Milcboy: Thank you both for coming. My apologies for running a bit late. Do please come inside.

Milcboy UNLOCKS the door, and she and the two teens enter.

INT. FILTHY CABARET – CONTINUOUS

This club has seen better days — grime covers the walls and floor-to-ceiling mirrors, while a troupe of DENPA IDOLS skitter around on a dingy stage, their accompaniment played by a BOOMBOX. Strung-out SALARYMEN meekly MIX and DANCE in front. A BAND, GAUCHE, waits just off-stage for their turn.

Milcboy leads Honoka and Cinnamon through, past a plexiglass BAR studded with COCAINE MIRRORS and backed by OPIUM PIPES, to a VIP BOOTH upholstered entirely in stained PLUSH VELVET. Within are the members of ZENBU KIMI NO SEI DA — MEGUMI, MASHIRO, YOTSU and TOGARE. The latter two are barely conscious, slung like jackets across the plush; Mashiro DANCES, a vague expression on her face; Megumi, though, GLARES at the intruders and whispers to PRODUCER-SAN, seated like a mob boss in all his glory.

PRODUCER-SAN: Girls! So glad that you could join us. We’ve been just dying to meet you in person. Isn’t that right, Yotsu?

Yotsu’s face is as green as her member-colored skirt. She NODS with all the enthusiasm of a fresh corpse.

PRODUCER-SAN: Congratulations, belatedly, for winning the Corenament over our friends in Kakuriyo. We thought that we had it locked up, but you just slipped right in and sto– won it out from under us. Good job!

HONOKA: Thank you.

PRODUCER-SAN: No, thank you! You made me realize that we here at Codomomental needed to redouble our efforts to achieve supremacy in the loud chika idol space. As you can see, though, yami-kawaii … it takes its toll.

He RISES and STEPS OVER Togare to begin a slow PACE.

PRODUCER-SAN: Tomorrow is the beginning of Queen of the Scene. I’ve gone to great lengths to … let’s call it preparing. Yes, we have done quite a bit of preparing for the event. The change in format, though, to have a battle royale? That complicates things. I’m concerned that our entrants may face some difficulties.

CINNAMON: We’re worried about that, too. But we know that other idols will be gunning for us to keep us from working together, so we’ve been training.

PRODUCER-SAN: See, Red, that’s the kind of moxie that I’m talking about. (to Minna no Kodomo-chan) Girls, I’d like to offer you an opportunity. It fits, after all; “children” is a name that we share in common, and I think that our more creative approaches to music and performance would lend themselves well to each other. Join with us, support our Queen of the Scene competitors, and I can make you a very attractive offer.

He SNAPS his fingers, and NONAMER from KAQRIYO TERROR ARCHITECT slips into the lounge, carrying a giant NOVELTY CHECK. It reads: PAY TO THE ORDER OF MINNA NO KODOMO-CHAN Y100,000,000.

HONOKA: Oh wow, that’s a lot of money.

PRODUCER-SAN: It’s more than just a lot of money, my friend. Joining with us, leaving that TRASH-UP!! outfit behind, means money, endless one-mans, access to some of the best composers in the business, all the drugs and weapons that you could possibly want–

CINNAMON: We don’t want drugs.

PRODUCER-SAN: Did I say drugs? I meant cookies. Lots of cookies.

HONOKA: Producer-san, it’s a very generous offer, but Cinnamon and I are a team. Our own team. We’re happiest when we can make our fans happy, like when we perform at their house. And we can’t do the kind of schedule that you’re talking about — we’re still in high school!

CINNAMON: Right. And our band, we’re just getting started with them. We can’t leave them behind.

PRODUCER-SAN: Bring the band with you! Heck, I’ll buy your school, too, and you’ll never miss a lesson while on a 47-prefecture tour.

HONOKA: I’m sorry, I don’t think we can do it.

MEGUMI: That’s a shame. A real shame. You might want to reconsider.

CINNAMON: (nervous) No, it’s the right thing to do. Come on, Hono. Let’s get out of here. We have a battle royale to win.

MEGUMI: Do you know the Nakamura girl? The one with all of the groups?

CINNAMON: Soze? What about her?

PRODUCER-SAN: We made her a very attractive proposition as well. She said the same thing as you, and that she really wanted to focus on her own work. It’s a real shame about her knee, don’t you think?

HONOKA: Cinnamon, now.

PRODUCER-SAN: Last chance!

Hono and Cinnamon turn to FLEE, but — ARE STOPPED SHORT BY NOT SECURED, LOOSE ENDS!

HONOKA: Please move.

SHIDARE: It’s a very attractive offer.

Cinnamon lowers her shoulder and POWERS THROUGH the black-clad idols, nearly breaking through before being TACKLED by MARE A KOMACHI!

PRODUCER-SAN: It’s a shame that we couldn’t do business.

Hono and Cinnamon SQUIRM, each held by a pair of Tsurezure members.

MEGUMI: I’m really going to miss seeing you two tarts getting your asses handed to you in the ring tomorrow.

CINNAMON: What? No!

MEGUMI: Take them. Same place as the rest. (to Minna no Kodomo-chan) Take a few days to think about it. It’s awfully dark and awfully cold — not much more to do than think.

As the girls are escorted out, Milcboy SIDLES up next to Megumi and Producer-san.

MILCBOY: Everything else is ready.

PRODUCER-SAN: Good. (gesturing to the other Zenkimi members) Megumi, get these ones cleaned up. We have a war to win tomorrow. Continue reading

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It’s Time for Another Episode of Queen of the Scene!

INT. DARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL RESTROOM – NIGHT

A few flickering candles illuminate the room, the light doubled and re-doubled by the mirrors above each sink. Two of the three stall doors are closed, but the third, the middle, is OPEN. SAKI (20) stands in a CIRCLE OF PROTECTION on the floor.

Saki: Hanako-san. Hanako-san. HANAKO-SAN!

The 14TH GENERATION HANAKO OF THE TOILET (eternal, also like 14) APPEARS IN THE OPEN STALL!

Hanako-san: Who calls!

Saki: It’s just me, Hanako-san.

Hanako-san: Oh. Why the theatrics? You have my LINE.

Saki: Maniac said that it’d play better this way.

Hanako-san: Oh, that guy. So?

Saki: Well, you know that I stole the Homicidols Queen of the Scene title from Sari while we were in the United Kingdom.

Hanako-san: I do at that.

Saki: And I know that you helped to arrange for that with your selflessness during the Corenament.

Hanako-san: Indeed.

Saki: Maniac told me that I’ll need to defend my title this week.

Hanako-san: I see.

Saki: Right. So, from what I remember, you were promised something.

Hanako-san: I was.

Saki: Can I ask what that is?

Hanako-san: Unfortunately, I don’t actually know what it is. Sister Jean was very cryptic about it. All she said was that “no good deed goes unpunished.”

Saki: That could mean anything.

Hanako-san: It could also be that she was just acting as a cypher for the jerk in charge and was using a well-known nihilistic idiom.

Saki: Well, do you think that you’ll be able to help me? I’ve only been the Official Oshimen for a few weeks, and I’d like to be able to continue.

Hanako-san: Prophesy is tricky, especially for toilet ghosts like me. Ask me to show you the blackest chaos of your psyche, no problem; I can’t see the future, though, only what’s possible.

Saki: It’s going to be a long week. Continue reading

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The Corenament Championship Affair

EXT. SAN ANTONIO – NIGHT

Thousands of idol fans crowd the streets, chanting MIX to nothing in particular, jubilant in having taken part in such a spectacle as the 2018 Homicidols Corenament final

LOCAL NEWSCASTER: As you can see, it’s absolute pandemonium here outside the Alamodome. People are still having a hard time believing that Minna no Kodomo-chan did what should have been impossible in riding the Loser’s Bracket all the way to back-to-back thrashings of trendy pick Kaqriyo Terror Architect. It’s quite a sight!

VIZ MAJOR stumbles by, DRUNK, waving a CUSTOMIZED PEN BY CFH COSPLAY

VIZ MAJOR: I TOLD YOU PEOPLE! I TOLD YOU! NUMBER ONE!

INT. ALAMODOME – COURT – CONTINUOUS

Fans, staff and parents are gathered around HONO, CINNAMON and PRODUCER-SAN, and surrounding all of them are REPORTERS and PHOTOGRAPHERS. Producer-san is wearing a BASKETBALL NET around his neck

PRODUCER-SAN: The important thing was that we never said never. We believed in ourselves and refused to quit. We never said die out there, and we worked together as a team, and we definitely made sure that we did it for the fans, because our fans are the best fans in the world.

HONO: I still don’t know what happened! Continue reading

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Your Homicidols Weekender #38

Wow. So this was a really fun week, and not just because of Queen of the Scene, but also largely because of Queen of the Scene. We have our winner, and it’s Sari. Am I surprised? Not really; I did a little mental handicap after the first couple of days, just based on how people were responding to the different matchups, and even though it was obvious that Aina and probably Su-metal and a couple of others would surge up toward the top, Sari (and Yura, for what it’s worth) seemed to have some staying power. I wouldn’t have bet on her, but she definitely earned it.

What does that mean? It means that Sari is now and until the next Queen of the Scene (gods willing, not until next year), Sari is the Official Oshi of Homicidols.com. While I’m sure she’s thrilled, the main thing is that I’ll be doing a thing featuring her, probably as a weekly digest or so, after wrapping up 100 Days of Tsurezure, which is heading for its final week anyway.

All that said, Hail Sari!. Imagine that Ghost’s “Year Zero” is playing while I say that.

As for the rest of it, remember to check out (and chip in!) the TIF Megathread if you get a chance, and of course play the Fun.

There are still 14 of these to go until it’s been a year? That sounds like too many. Goodness.

The Week That Were

FRUITPOCHETTE’s final live was last weekend:

Shiori wrote a nice message to the fans:

Continue reading

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Queen of the Scene, the Final Episode

The action in the ring takes on an incredible pace as one idol after another makes a play for the microphone

The Kamen Joshi lumberjills scream in delight when Yurapiko literally put her fingers around the thing, only to be dumped completely out of the ring by Hanako-san!

Aina and Sari look hard at each other. Sari goes for the nearest ladder, but Aina beats her to it. And while they wrestle for control, Hanako-san sets up one of her own!

The literal undead toilet dead girl nearly reaches the top before either Sari or Aina can respond; Sari, in a panic, rakes Aina’s eyes and chases the diminutive ghost idol, catching brass knuckles to the jaw for her trouble! The fans go bananas!

Just as Hanako-san closes her hands around the mic–

“EXCUSE ME!”

Everybody and everything stops as Pour Lui — heavily bandaged, arms and legs in casts, in a wheelchair — appears at the top of the ramp with Watanabe there to guide her.

“This has been a travesty from the very beginning. Homicidol Maniac, you let me in that ring right now so that I can take what is rightfully mine.”

Maniac finds a microphone

Pour Lui, for the love of all things unholy, give it up. You caught the beating of a lifetime yesterday and–

“NOW GO DO IT NOW!” Continue reading

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Queen of the Scene, Day 4

The day’s fighting is at an end, and our finalists for tomorrow’s action are set:

  • Aina the End
  • Yurapiko
  • Hanako-san
  • Sari

In the final TLC I Quit match in the WACK-Off … I’m afraid to report that Ayuni D may have found her true calling, and Pour Lui may be in the hospital for a while.

Background after the jump! Continue reading

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Queen of the Scene, Day 3

Welcome to Day 3 of Queen of the Scene! Day 2 was basically Judgement Day — KOTO and Momo, your contributions are great, but your results in this competition have been disappointing, and you’re out. I’d apologize, but, like, be more popular.

As for Pour Lui, she lost, again, the same way she alw–

“nerve” hits!

Oh my dog …

“Homicidol Maniac, I demand justice! That wasn’t a fair fight! You make me take on Aina after all of the abuse I suffered the day before? That–”

Just stop, Lui. You’re clearly not the Queen, not anymore. This is embarrassing.

“It’s not embarrassing! Who’s embarrassed? Nobody, that’s who. Now I’m going to sit here and I’m going to wait and I’m going to do this –”

Pour Lui SCREAMS into the mic like an unholy cat

“– every two minutes until I get another match. I can still win this!”

Homicidol Maniac scans the crowd. People look bored.

All right, fine. I’ll give you a match. Continue reading

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