Adventures in Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon #9

Previously on PuuTube
Things only get more and more sexually-charged with panties and other idol YouTubers.
Nozomi is trapped in an eternal Groundhog Day loop. Also, she farts a lot.
Concerned about her taste in “younger women,” the other dungeon captives stage an intervention for Saki, only for her to lose her cool and attack Megumi!

Episode 47: Puu-blic Service Announcement

“This is an important announcement from the Pouverlord. We have filed a warrant for Kamiya Saki’s arrest for cradle-robbing, gang activity, assaulting other captives, and mullet crimes. We could just lock her in the YouTube Dungeon permanently; however, we have been receiving threatening letters from Watanabe Junnosuke regarding something about “contractual obligations” and “If you keep bothering me, I’ll send your fat ass back to RIZAP!” so we have had to progress with our last resort. If you see this woman, please call the idol police immediately. Also, please like, comment and subscribe.”

Episode 48: Jail House Puus

“Did you not hear my announcement!? I said arrest Saki, not all of us!”

“Thanks a lot, Pour Lui!” fumed Nozomi. “Thanks to your campaign the police found out about all of our previous crimes! I knew you should have just gone back to the gym!”

“I’m going to make my mullet even uglier, that’ll teach you!” Saki used her one permitted phone call to contact her hairstylist.

“Previous crimes? I got arrested because I was holding all of you in my dungeon for two months! The hell did you do while my back was turned?” Pour Lui inquired.

“One of the people from the panty survey reported me for sexual harassment,” said Uika.

I kept abusing that rabbit thing while I was stuck in that Groundhog Day loop,” said Nozomi.

“I broke into the Ministry of Defense so that I could record the sounds of military weapons for my collection of CD-R samples,” said Tentenko.

I murdered my groupmate,” said Megumi.

“Jesus Christ” Pour Lui whispered under her breath.

Episode 49: Plastic 6 mercy

While brainstorming ways on how to break out of their prison cell, Megumi comes up with the genius idea of testing each member’s head against a wall of Saran Wrap. Whoever can break through this tough barrier clearly has the strongest head and shall be used as a battering ram to break down the doors of their confined space! Judging by Kosho’s hysterical laughter, though, this is all just one big troll. “I can’t believe these idiots are actually falling for this!” Megumi thinks to herself as she slams against the wall to make her “plan” seem more authentic.

Episode 50: Lost Episode

“Hi, this is Pour Lui, with my inmates-slash-BILLIE IDLE co-stars Uipon and Non-chan. As you can see, we’re still in jail. Turns out Kamiya Saki does not make for an effective battering ram. Neither does Koshouji Megumi. Nope, nope, her hilarious little tricks aren’t so funny when she’s on the giving end of an attempted wall breach, is it, Megumi?”

“Megumi can’t talk right now, she’s a little busy with her concussion”

“Tenko, just shut up and hold the camera! Anyway, the footage we recorded for this episode was deemed too graphic for YouTube so instead, we’ll just explain the full story. Maybe we’ll put the video on Liveleak later, I dunno. To the family and fans of Kamiya Saki, we are sorry for your loss. Her sacrifice was most definitely in vain”

“I’m not dead!”

Episode 51: The Great Escape (No, not that one)

Idol Jail outdoor free time; Kamiya Saki chose not to go outside in favour of “sleeping off” her injuries following he previous night’s breakout attempt. The BILLIE IDLE girls are lifting weights. Tentenko is knitting socks to sell on her online store.  Koshouji Megumi excitedly rushes over:

“Come quick! One of those Banana Monkeys chewed a hole in the security fence! Let’s go! Before the cops notice! RUUUN!”

Episode 52: Media Clip

“Waaiit a second! We’ve just ran around in a circle and back to our jail cell!” Megumi realised.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. I own idol jail.” Pour Lui added.

“How the hell do you own a jail and forgot about it?” Asked Tentenko

“Well,” said Pour Lui “I bought it when BiS reformed so we could do some IDOL Is DEAD nostalgia stuff but then Watanabe took over, wouldn’t let me use it how I wanted, and now that’s just where he keeps all the WAggs and audition rejects.”

“So that’s why that Mimiland kid tried to shank me for a cigarette earlier!” said Nozomi. “Anyway, let’s go”

“No can do,” Uika called from the back as she struggled to open the door. “Watanabitch locked us in here real good!”

“Now what?” Megumi slumped in her chair.

“We’re just going to have to give in to his sadist tendencies and maybe he’ll let us go” Pour Lui sighed. “Do we have any kind of medieval torture device?”

“Oh! I have something that might work!” Tentenko turned out her pockets.

Did their plan to win over Watanabe work?
What happened to Saki?
Will someone please give Megumi a hug?

Find out next time on IDOL is DEAD 3: JAiL HOUSE ROCK

PuuTube Rival Of The Week

Desu.Rabbits eat ramen. Idol budgets aren’t very high, okay?

Adventures in Pour Lui’s YouTube Dungeon #8

Previously on PuuTube
Lots of makeover montages.
Tentenko slaps Uika’s new boobs to funky music.

Episode 40: Dance In Your Pants

Oh, you thought the “First Summer Uika’s Magical Expanding Boobies And Bum Bum” episode from last week was cursed? Just wait until you see everyone put panties on their heads hands-free!

Episode 41: I got Puu Babe

“Non-chan, why are you so sad?” asked Megumi, concerned. “Did you have another nightmare about Saki in ganguro getup?”

“Not just that,” Nozomi weeped “I’ve got chronic flatulence!” -toot- Continue reading

Adventures in Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon #7

Previously on Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon:

Pour Lui joins BILLIE IDLE … or did BILLIE IDLE join Pour Lui?

Episode 34: Makeover Montage

A new era of BILLIE IDLE is upon us, and that means new costumes! But, being separated from WACK (while still having to put up with them) means that BILLIE IDLE has roughly the budget of a preteen garage band owned by Dingo Pictures. BILLIE IDLE have been stuck in green screen/cheap animation hell for three years! But thanks to the Japanese equivalent of B&M Bargains (probably), and the token “aesthetic” captives of the dungeon, Tenten and Kosho, maybe they can create something dynamic and beautiful for a new era. The Momose sisters will love their new costumes!

Episode 35: House Of Cards

The Momose sisters didn’t love their new costumes. Not even seconds after their reveal, Momo and Akira gagged, swore, set the costumes on fire and locked everyone but Megumi (Momo had already agreed to dye her hair) in the dungeon until it was time for dance practice! “Puu, for fuck’s sake, why did you give them a spare key?” Tentenko growled through the palm that was planted against her face. “Well, now that we’re all united as one group, I thought it would only be fair that I gave everyone else in BILLIE IDLE a spare key to my dungeon as a symbol of trust and unity,” Pour Lui explained. “Then where the hell is my key!?” Non piped up. “I didn’t get one either!” Uika fumed.

“Um… um… card games!” Pour Lui stuttered, as she shifted through the card pile.

Episode 36: Battle Idol Society

Nozomi checked her watch. “Still three hours until dance practice” she sighed.

“All the more time to play another card game!” the Pourverlord chucked.

“Puu, please, I’m sick to death of these bloody card games! We’ve been playing nothing but card games for seven hours!” Uika groaned, exasperated.

“Oh!” Tenko jumped, scrambling to pick up the leftovers from the ill-fated costume design foray. “I know! I know! Who’s up for some arts and crafts?”

“Yaaay” the others unenthusiastically droned in unison.

Then Netflix saw this and decided to revive Robot Wars for another season.

Episode 37: Makeover Montage Part 2

Oh, finally, a makeup tutorial, I was wondering how long until PuuTube jumped into that genre.

Episode 38: Makeover Montage Part 3

Did you know Saki likes to cosplay? You do now.

Episode 39: Makeover Montage Part 4: The Paddening

The Zozo suit is back! Or, more specifically, the Pourverlord got a new one. All in the name of giving Uipon the ultimate hentai waifu body! Like she’s not horny on main enough already.

How much more cursed can BYS get before we enter Elsagate territory?
What next for the Zozo suit?
Will Uika finally get laid?
Find out on Robot Wars: BYS Edition, streaming this fall on Netflix!

Puu’s Youtube Rival Of The Week

Who wants to watch Big Angel eat stuff?

Adventures in Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon #6

Previously on Pour Lui’s YouTube dungeon…
Pour Lui continues to humiliate her family.

EPISODE 28: Looking For The おちんこ

Pour Lui goes searching for dick pics while Brother Lui ponders how much effort it would take to officially estrange himself from this family.

EPISODE 29: Another Flashback Episode

Uika: Didn’t we just do this? Continue reading

Adventures in Pour Lui’s YouTube Dungeon #5

Previously On Pour Lui’s YouTube Dungeon
With the help of her mum, Pour Lui successfully re-kidnaps her former prisoners, tries to poison Megumi, and the shocking revelation that she is actually a witch!

Episode 23: Brand New YouTube Shit

Puu becomes poo!

Puu becomes poo!
PUU BECOMES POO!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DO YOU GET IT?!

P̰̝̘Ù̡̱̭̲̖̻͎Ú̝͚̞̣̱ͅ ̛̗̟̗̫B̼͞͞E̛̲̱̳̖͈̯̯͘̕ͅC̴̦̥̤͔͇͚̤͟O͙̼͙̤̲̘͇̩ͅM̶̘̲̯͎̤̀E̼̬͜S͖͇͡ ҉͍̲͖̣͉͖̥P̼̺̤̥̯͚̖̥͞͝O͎͎̭̱̤͖̜O̡͓͇͘͝

Episode 24: Buzzing Mama

In this heartwarming Mother’s Day special, Pour Lui buys Mama Lui a vibrator, makes her brother watch and is consequently grounded until June 6.

Episode 25: Filler Episode

With Megumi having fled to the UK and Saki now on the rebound with Haruna Bacchiin, Pour Lui gathers the remaining prisoners to reminisce about that time she made a supervillain costume and fans meme’d her.

Episode 26: Happy Nonday

Pour Lui did not give Nozomi a massager for her birthday, despite what that unsubtle crotch shot at the beginning might have led you to believe. At least Puu doesn’t just have a box full of sex toys lying around in case she needs to give someone a present. At least there’s that.

Episode 27: Drone Warfare

What’s that noise?

Could it be? The demons have finally come to take the Pouverlord away!!!

Or it could just be a drone, but I like my idea better.

Will Pour Lui ever learn how to use a drone correctly? Or will she be dragged into hell first?
Will Michel receive a vibrator from Lui as a wedding gift?

To be continued? Yes!

Puu’s Youtube Rival Of The Week

Since a lot of idols are setting up their own YouTube dungeons, I thought I’d have a little feature highlighting what YouTube idols have been uploading recently. And in celebration of Pour Lui’s addition to Billie Idle, this week we’ve got former Billie Idle sweetheart Yasui Yuuhi (Now going by the identity Mahiruno Yuzuko) showing us how she does her makeup. Subscribe to her, she deserves it!

Idol Cannot Contain the Power of a BILLIE IDOL Plus Pour Lui, Which Is Real OMG

LUI is IDLE would be an amazing title for ths post, but it’s the opposite!

It turns out that the only thing that Pour Lui can’t do well is retire. Yes, friends, despite having tied up her BiS career twice now, and despite being old enough to be mother to most of RIOT BABY, Lui, idol GOAT and progenitor of most things loud and bloody and rude, is coming back … with BILLIE IDLE:

Oh, and there’s going to be a new album, whatevs

Continue reading

Adventures in Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon #4

Previously On Pour Lui’s YouTube Dungeon
Everyone spent the entire week trapped in the Ototoy Dungeon until Tentenko finally let them go.
With Momoland out of the picture, Kamiya Saki has finally joined the chaos.

Episode 18: Mama Mia! Here We Go Again

The morning after the previous episode, Pour Lui wakes up, alone in her bedroom. Well, not completely alone.

“Get up you lazybones, it’s almost midday!”

“But muuuuum,” whines Pour Lui, rubbing her eyes. Did she just dream the entire Ototoy Dungeon arc? Where is everyone?

Mama Lui explains to her daughter that, while arguing with Megumi over the upcoming UK trip, everyone else just up and left, including Koshouji herself, leaving Pour Lui arguing with the wall until she eventually just passed out from ranting.

“Megumi told me where you were, so I signed her Dungeon Leave permission forms on your behalf. She’s a nice girl, that Megumi. Why don’t you join her idol group instead of sitting at home making these silly YouTube videos?”

Pour Lui was fuming. Everyone was gone! Who can she bully for YouTube views now? “Mum!” she demanded. “To the dungeon! I have a plan to get everyone back! But first, we need to make a supervillain costume!”

“Why don’t you get a real job?” Mama Lui sobbed.

Continue reading

Adventures in Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon #3

Previously on Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon:
While trying to kidnap Jake Paul, Pour Lui and co. are lured into Tentenko’s Ototoy dungeon! Including Tentenko herself! Will they ever escape? I sure hope so, because Megumi is supposed to be going to the UK soon.

Episode 14: Cards Against Puumanity

It’s been three days since Pour Lui, Tentenko and Megumi got trapped in the Ototoy dungeon. All of a sudden, the door burst open! It’s Nozomi!

“I forgot my coat”
“Non, it’s been three days since you locked us in here, and only now are you coming back for your coat?”
“Yup.”

Another familiar face storms through the door; First Summer Uika.
“Yo Puu, Non-tan said you’d be here. Listen, do you have any of that orange-flavoured arsenic left, or did those two loser men drink it all?”

“HAHAHA, GOODBYE SUCKERS!”
Tentenko leaps up, and punches Nozomi right in the nose! The shock prompts Nozomi to drop the only key, which Tenko swiftly grabs and runs away, locking the other four inside! Again!

After a brief stunned silence, Nozomi eventually chimes, “So, question. Does anybody even bother, you know, just trying to escape? Or are you all seriously so lazy that you’d rather just sit here and slowly starve to death than actually try to make the effort of running when this shit happens?”
Pour Lui ponders Nozomi’s question for a moment, eyes glazed over in deep thought. After a few seconds of quiet, she calmly states “let’s play a card game”. The other three groan in exasperation.

Continue reading

Kerrie’s Adventures in Pour Lui’s Youtube Dungeon #1

How do I introduce someone who really doesn’t need an introduction? Not just because she’s one of the biggest forebears of the alt-idol movement, but also because, well, we’ve covered her on this site so many times that is there really any point?

Anyway, you all know by now that Pour Lui has been luring her merry band of ex-BiS groupmates into her YouTube dungeon to make videos, and Maniac said “Oi Kerrie, write about this!” and I said “But I’m boring and I don’t even understand Japanese!” and he said “Make it work or else I’m revoking your Watanabe meme privileges” and I was like “Ok, I guess I can just watch it and blindly guess what’s happening”

So presenting, this past week (and a bit) in BYS!

Episode 1: April Fool

Haha, nice one Puu, all your jokes about being a Youtuber after graduating and you finally did it, on April Fools day, of course. Let’s watch this then. I see she found the crying baby sound effects. And MS Paint! Wait, what the hell?? Is she okay? Has she been kidnapped? Is she in someone’s basement? Shouldn’t this be on the deep web? Is that Megumi? And Uipon! Oh my goodness, all of Final-era BiS (minus Saki, who was probably taking Momoland to the movies or something) are enacting their revenge!

Episode 2: Pero Pero Chew Chew

Wait, you mean that wasn’t an April Fools prank? Also Puu learns how to make YouTube Poops. Or YouTube Puu-ps. 

Episode 3: Go To Cola

The BiS OG (still no Saki, who was now in line to buy Momoland the Happy Meal she promised) escaped the YouTube Dungeon and have fled to the woods. Alas, Pour Lui was well aware of their ill-fated escape plans and chased them down with cola bottles screaming “Unless one of you finds a dead body I can exploit, you’re not going anywhere!” and forced them to become living cola fountains while Nozomi asked questions!

Episode 4: Rubberband Girl

With the fates of the other three girls left uncertain, Pour Lui dragged Megumi back to the dungeon and prompted her with a cunning, Saw-esque puzzle; “If you escape the grasp of my rubberband trap, I’ll let you go.” Because Puu isn’t a complete sadist, she also gets in on the action. She would soon regret that decision.

Episode 5: Let’s Bitchy!

First Summer Uika, suffering from a devastating case of Stockholm Syndrome, joins the side of her former captor and schemes their next cunning plan; to become total bitches. Whether that means the Regina George kind of bitch or the apparent Japanese interpretation of “bitchy” (aka “Too Hot For TV”) is uncertain. After all, with Pour Lui’s gaggle, it could go either way.

Episode 6: The Bitch Awakens

Puu and Uipon, or “Team Bitchy” as they will be known onwards, enlist another former captive, Michibayashi Rio, onto their team, as they hatch their first dirty deed; to seduce their YouTube rivals the Charisma Brothers and feast on the poor men like mermaids!

Episode 6.5: Their Story

A special side-episode featured on the Charisma Brothers’ channel, a more in-depth analysis of the Team Bitchy seduction plan, featuring drinking games and romance?

Episode 7: Blue Hair Don’t Care

Megumi is still being held captive inside the dungeon (and dyed her hair off-screen), where Pour Lui forces her to listen to the official BYS theme song.

Episode 8: Banana Fish

Pour Lui attempts to eat a banana while re-enacting the album art for McFly’s Motion In The Ocean.

To Be Continued…

And that’s it for this week (and a half) of the BYS Youtube Channel!

Will Megumi ever escape the dungeon? Will Saki get a second date with Momoland? What exactly do they mean by “bitchy”? Find out next week! Or you could just go down the sensible route and subscribe.

Don’t subscribe to this guy’s YouTube though.

I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying

Man.

Continue reading