Let church bells ring, let children sing, let wota shout “hooray!” Such revelry because Pour Lui is thirty years today!
Yes, today marks three decades since the birth of idol legend Pour Lui, a woman who, arguably, would herself give birth to the entire Alt-Idol™ genre, only out of her mouth instead of her, er, tummy. How shall you rejoice? Don’t worry chums, your wise and friendly Homicidols.com has 30 suggestions to relate of ways to feast and jubilate. And here they are.
You’re one of the most legendary idol performers to grace the stage and everything is going perfectly and then your group disbands. So next, you’re one of the most legendary idol performers to grace the stage and everything is going perfectly and then your band disbands. So after that, you’re one of the most legendary idol performers to grace the stage and everything is going perfectly then you lose a diet challenge and leave your group. AND THEN you’re one of the most legendary idol performers to grace the stage and everything is going perfectly but then your group disbands. So finally, you say fuck it and decided to make your own damn group.
Is this the longest downtime between albums in idol history? Seriously, we’ve been waiting for 10 years!
Today the sequel to Pour Lui’s original solo album “Minna no Pour Lui” aptly titled “Minna no Pour Lui II” drops and oh boy was it worth the decade long wait.
As you can see we have a full double album here! Eight brand new songs and a second disc of re-recordings from the original Minna no Pour Lui.
The initial sound is what you’d expect from a WACK and SCRAMBLES production – it’s solid alt-rock that makes you want to slam your head back and forth, with opening track “I’m in love” featuring some guitarwork that wouldn’t go out of place on an Iron Maiden album. Pour Lui would kill Run to the Hills but could Bruce Dickinson do THIS? No, because he can’t speak Japanese.
Now has probably never been a better time to be a BiS fan with a soundcloud account. Their current iteration has just about finished posting almost their entire album on there, but even if you’re of that portion of fans who gave up after the BiSmageddon of 2020, Soundcloud seems is where ex-members are flocking to for their new endeavors. In particular, Pour Lui and Aya Eightprince have been very active this week, with Pour Lui teasing her new solo album and Aya just kind of doing whatever she feels like.
The waning days of 2019 and opening week of 2020 have been a special time. Some of the greatest legacy acts and personalities of our time hang ’em up at last — the literal goddess of earth and sky herself even revealing that she’s been secretly married all this time — and with that saw the retirement from idol and return to solo work by the grand dame herself, Pour Lui, twice founder of BiS, mature member of BILLIE IDLE, from whose fecund mind sprang the cultural movement that created not just modern chika idol but about 95% of what we like to cover here. That Lui was going back to her roots as a solo musician (though still connected to the Watanabe/Matsukuma machine) felt like a nice coda, something natural. She was done with idol, and idol — graciously — was done with her.
You know, the For Most People Christmas is now a couple of days in the rearview mirror, but there are lots of people who are still doing the season anyway, which is to saying nothing at all about the millions of folks who follow the orthodox tradition and still have another week-plus before the real fun begins, so I think it’s perfectly acceptable to do one final Christmas post, and what better way to wrap up this year’s festivities than by featuring none other than Pour Lui and a friend:
The things you didn’t know that you needed in life … Take a few minutes to enjoy the GOAT and her partner, Nakamae Rion, who I hadn’t heard of before but am now following and you should too, and their new holiday classic, “Christmas Song”, which is apparently a cover that I’m guessing people in Japan and people who are extremely well-versed in Japanese music could tell you all about. It’s a nice song, and a nice way to wrap things up!
My friends, while idol is in many ways so akin to other performing arts, up to and including professional wrestling, the one thing that it so often lacks is real, true, genuine interpersonal drama between figures. Idols usually just ganbare-fist for photos and vow to do their best and applaud politely for everybody. It’s neat, and a neat feature, but also a little placid sometimes, especially for those of us who like some good ol’ fashioned beef between parties.
Who better to throw shade and get those hackles raised than OG idol shit-stirrer Pour Lui, who’s original BiS spared no sacred cows the occasional bit of grief? Yes, that’s the ticket. But at whom would she throw her shade, and in which way, and to what ends? And hell, considering how well-orchestrated things in idol tend to be, how can you tell what’s real shade from weak shade from goofy teasing of one’s friends, neighbors and senpai? Fortunately for us, and especially those of us who enjoy the munching of popcorn while pots are stirred, Lui got together with friends to do what can only be described as a BiSH diss video:
Previously on PuuTube Things only get more and more sexually-charged with panties and other idol YouTubers. Nozomi is trapped in an eternal Groundhog Day loop. Also, she farts a lot. Concerned about her taste in “younger women,” the other dungeon captives stage an intervention for Saki, only for her to lose her cool and attack Megumi!
Episode 47: Puu-blic Service Announcement
“This is an important announcement from the Pouverlord. We have filed a warrant for Kamiya Saki’s arrest for cradle-robbing, gang activity, assaulting other captives, and mullet crimes. We could just lock her in the YouTube Dungeon permanently; however, we have been receiving threatening letters from Watanabe Junnosuke regarding something about “contractual obligations” and “If you keep bothering me, I’ll send your fat ass back to RIZAP!” so we have had to progress with our last resort. If you see this woman, please call the idol police immediately. Also, please like, comment and subscribe.”
Episode 48: Jail House Puus
“Did you not hear my announcement!? I said arrest Saki, not all of us!”
“Thanks a lot, Pour Lui!” fumed Nozomi. “Thanks to your campaign the police found out about all of our previous crimes! I knew you should have just gone back to the gym!”
“I’m going to make my mullet even uglier, that’ll teach you!” Saki used her one permitted phone call to contact her hairstylist.
“Previous crimes? I got arrested because I was holding all of you in my dungeon for two months! The hell did you do while my back was turned?” Pour Lui inquired.
“One of the people from the panty survey reported me for sexual harassment,” said Uika.
“Jesus Christ” Pour Lui whispered under her breath.
Episode 49: Plastic 6 mercy
While brainstorming ways on how to break out of their prison cell, Megumi comes up with the genius idea of testing each member’s head against a wall of Saran Wrap. Whoever can break through this tough barrier clearly has the strongest head and shall be used as a battering ram to break down the doors of their confined space! Judging by Kosho’s hysterical laughter, though, this is all just one big troll. “I can’t believe these idiots are actually falling for this!” Megumi thinks to herself as she slams against the wall to make her “plan” seem more authentic.
Episode 50: Lost Episode
“Hi, this is Pour Lui, with my inmates-slash-BILLIE IDLE co-stars Uipon and Non-chan. As you can see, we’re still in jail. Turns out Kamiya Saki does not make for an effective battering ram. Neither does Koshouji Megumi. Nope, nope, her hilarious little tricks aren’t so funny when she’s on the giving end of an attempted wall breach, is it, Megumi?”
“Megumi can’t talk right now, she’s a little busy with her concussion”
“Tenko, just shut up and hold the camera! Anyway, the footage we recorded for this episode was deemed too graphic for YouTube so instead, we’ll just explain the full story. Maybe we’ll put the video on Liveleak later, I dunno. To the family and fans of Kamiya Saki, we are sorry for your loss. Her sacrifice was most definitely in vain”
Idol Jail outdoor free time; Kamiya Saki chose not to go outside in favour of “sleeping off” her injuries following he previous night’s breakout attempt. The BILLIE IDLE girls are lifting weights. Tentenko is knitting socks to sell on her online store. Koshouji Megumi excitedly rushes over:
“Waaiit a second! We’ve just ran around in a circle and back to our jail cell!” Megumi realised.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. I own idol jail.” Pour Lui added.
“How the hell do you own a jail and forgot about it?” Asked Tentenko
“Well,” said Pour Lui “I bought it when BiS reformed so we could do some IDOL Is DEAD nostalgia stuff but then Watanabe took over, wouldn’t let me use it how I wanted, and now that’s just where he keeps all the WAggs and audition rejects.”
“So that’s why that Mimiland kid tried to shank me for a cigarette earlier!” said Nozomi. “Anyway, let’s go”
“No can do,” Uika called from the back as she struggled to open the door. “Watanabitch locked us in here real good!”
“Now what?” Megumi slumped in her chair.
“We’re just going to have to give in to his sadist tendencies and maybe he’ll let us go” Pour Lui sighed. “Do we have any kind of medieval torture device?”
“Oh! I have something that might work!” Tentenko turned out her pockets.
Did their plan to win over Watanabe work? What happened to Saki? Will someone please give Megumi a hug?
Find out next time on IDOL is DEAD 3: JAiL HOUSE ROCK
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Desu.Rabbits eat ramen. Idol budgets aren’t very high, okay?