Hi everyone! Anyone coming to Hyper Japan this weekend? I’m there tomorrow. I got a press pass very last minute (like too last minute to use it for its intended purpose, interviewing DLL) but they needed to see a business card so now I have a whole bunch of spare business cards that I don’t know what to do with so if you see me at the show I’ll give you an official Homicidols business card! Yes, seriously.
Kerrie, I say this as your publisher and also your friend: Autograph those things and charge 5 muckles or whatever you call British currency for them
Previously on PuuTube Things only get more and more sexually-charged with panties and other idol YouTubers. Nozomi is trapped in an eternal Groundhog Day loop. Also, she farts a lot. Concerned about her taste in “younger women,” the other dungeon captives stage an intervention for Saki, only for her to lose her cool and attack Megumi!
Episode 47: Puu-blic Service Announcement
“This is an important announcement from the Pouverlord. We have filed a warrant for Kamiya Saki’s arrest for cradle-robbing, gang activity, assaulting other captives, and mullet crimes. We could just lock her in the YouTube Dungeon permanently; however, we have been receiving threatening letters from Watanabe Junnosuke regarding something about “contractual obligations” and “If you keep bothering me, I’ll send your fat ass back to RIZAP!” so we have had to progress with our last resort. If you see this woman, please call the idol police immediately. Also, please like, comment and subscribe.”
Episode 48: Jail House Puus
“Did you not hear my announcement!? I said arrest Saki, not all of us!”
“Thanks a lot, Pour Lui!” fumed Nozomi. “Thanks to your campaign the police found out about all of our previous crimes! I knew you should have just gone back to the gym!”
“I’m going to make my mullet even uglier, that’ll teach you!” Saki used her one permitted phone call to contact her hairstylist.
“Previous crimes? I got arrested because I was holding all of you in my dungeon for two months! The hell did you do while my back was turned?” Pour Lui inquired.
“One of the people from the panty survey reported me for sexual harassment,” said Uika.
“Jesus Christ” Pour Lui whispered under her breath.
Episode 49: Plastic 6 mercy
While brainstorming ways on how to break out of their prison cell, Megumi comes up with the genius idea of testing each member’s head against a wall of Saran Wrap. Whoever can break through this tough barrier clearly has the strongest head and shall be used as a battering ram to break down the doors of their confined space! Judging by Kosho’s hysterical laughter, though, this is all just one big troll. “I can’t believe these idiots are actually falling for this!” Megumi thinks to herself as she slams against the wall to make her “plan” seem more authentic.
Episode 50: Lost Episode
“Hi, this is Pour Lui, with my inmates-slash-BILLIE IDLE co-stars Uipon and Non-chan. As you can see, we’re still in jail. Turns out Kamiya Saki does not make for an effective battering ram. Neither does Koshouji Megumi. Nope, nope, her hilarious little tricks aren’t so funny when she’s on the giving end of an attempted wall breach, is it, Megumi?”
“Megumi can’t talk right now, she’s a little busy with her concussion”
“Tenko, just shut up and hold the camera! Anyway, the footage we recorded for this episode was deemed too graphic for YouTube so instead, we’ll just explain the full story. Maybe we’ll put the video on Liveleak later, I dunno. To the family and fans of Kamiya Saki, we are sorry for your loss. Her sacrifice was most definitely in vain”
Idol Jail outdoor free time; Kamiya Saki chose not to go outside in favour of “sleeping off” her injuries following he previous night’s breakout attempt. The BILLIE IDLE girls are lifting weights. Tentenko is knitting socks to sell on her online store. Koshouji Megumi excitedly rushes over:
“Waaiit a second! We’ve just ran around in a circle and back to our jail cell!” Megumi realised.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. I own idol jail.” Pour Lui added.
“How the hell do you own a jail and forgot about it?” Asked Tentenko
“Well,” said Pour Lui “I bought it when BiS reformed so we could do some IDOL Is DEAD nostalgia stuff but then Watanabe took over, wouldn’t let me use it how I wanted, and now that’s just where he keeps all the WAggs and audition rejects.”
“So that’s why that Mimiland kid tried to shank me for a cigarette earlier!” said Nozomi. “Anyway, let’s go”
“No can do,” Uika called from the back as she struggled to open the door. “Watanabitch locked us in here real good!”
“Now what?” Megumi slumped in her chair.
“We’re just going to have to give in to his sadist tendencies and maybe he’ll let us go” Pour Lui sighed. “Do we have any kind of medieval torture device?”
“Oh! I have something that might work!” Tentenko turned out her pockets.
Did their plan to win over Watanabe work? What happened to Saki? Will someone please give Megumi a hug?
Find out next time on IDOL is DEAD 3: JAiL HOUSE ROCK
PuuTube Rival Of The Week
Desu.Rabbits eat ramen. Idol budgets aren’t very high, okay?
Sorry I’m so bad at introductions for these things. I mean really, I don’t even bother sometimes. I hate introductions. So instead, I’m going to sum up last week’s Friday Fun via the language of multi-decade pop musicians/failed actresses.
So, let’s talk about outsider views of the idol industry. Whether its that controversial Tokyo Idols documentary or a Top 10 Clickbait video that claims idol fandom is a type of sex cult, let’s be real here: We and our hobbies usually don’t get painted in a particularly positive light outside of our little circle. The sad thing is, while there are some truths to these unflattering claims, a lot of the outsider perception of idol comes from incidents that were so exaggerated that they raised eyebrows even within the idol community! Continue reading →
Almost July! Why not take a look at last week’s entries?
Maniac is trying and failing to find a solution to Twitter being a butt; look at this and then here:
TENBENISOZE: They play 20 hour-long experimental DJ sets that induce transcendental states. 🙌🏻 Plus they have the most amazing merch table you’ve ever seen in your life. #IdolSupergroupspic.twitter.com/rzTsmDBFFA
I’m writing this as the Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion is downloading, because chances are you’re not going to be hearing from me for a while once I boot that fiesta up. Thankfully, there’s been no sudden disbandment announcements to ruin Splatoon launch day this time! Just your theories as to how the WACK battle of the year is going to go down.
Oh look, another Friday Fun based on a dream. My Fun queue has run out, okay?
The other night I dreamed that to cash in on Babymetal's graphic novel, a bunch of other idol units started releasing their own comics/graphic novels, so whenever I went to a comic book store they were just full of idol books and CDs.
Surprisingly, Babymetal aren’t the first idol unit to get their own official graphic novels/comics/manga/whatever you call that genre. Actually, I don’t know who exactly is the first, but you know I can refuse any opportunity to drop Hello! Project in here: Continue reading →
Pour Lui joins BILLIE IDLE … or did BILLIE IDLE join Pour Lui?
Episode 34: Makeover Montage
A new era of BILLIE IDLE is upon us, and that means new costumes! But, being separated from WACK (while still having to put up with them) means that BILLIE IDLE has roughly the budget of a preteen garage band owned by Dingo Pictures. BILLIE IDLE have been stuck in green screen/cheap animation hell for three years! But thanks to the Japanese equivalent of B&M Bargains (probably), and the token “aesthetic” captives of the dungeon, Tenten and Kosho, maybe they can create something dynamic and beautiful for a new era. The Momose sisters will love their new costumes!
Episode 35: House Of Cards
The Momose sisters didn’t love their new costumes. Not even seconds after their reveal, Momo and Akira gagged, swore, set the costumes on fire and locked everyone but Megumi (Momo had already agreed to dye her hair) in the dungeon until it was time for dance practice! “Puu, for fuck’s sake, why did you give them a spare key?” Tentenko growled through the palm that was planted against her face. “Well, now that we’re all united as one group, I thought it would only be fair that I gave everyone else in BILLIE IDLE a spare key to my dungeon as a symbol of trust and unity,” Pour Lui explained. “Then where the hell is my key!?” Non piped up. “I didn’t get one either!” Uika fumed.
“Um… um… card games!” Pour Lui stuttered, as she shifted through the card pile.
Episode 36: Battle Idol Society
Nozomi checked her watch. “Still three hours until dance practice” she sighed.
“All the more time to play another card game!” the Pourverlord chucked.
“Puu, please, I’m sick to death of these bloody card games! We’ve been playing nothing but card games for seven hours!” Uika groaned, exasperated.
“Oh!” Tenko jumped, scrambling to pick up the leftovers from the ill-fated costume design foray. “I know! I know! Who’s up for some arts and crafts?”
“Yaaay” the others unenthusiastically droned in unison.
Then Netflix saw this and decided to revive Robot Wars for another season.
Episode 37: Makeover Montage Part 2
Oh, finally, a makeup tutorial, I was wondering how long until PuuTube jumped into that genre.
Episode 38: Makeover Montage Part 3
Did you know Saki likes to cosplay? You do now.
Episode 39: Makeover Montage Part 4: The Paddening
I can say without a doubt that NECRONOMIDOL are my favourite unit nowadays. And Sari is not just the official Homicidols oshi of 2017-2018 (well), she also shares the joint podium with GANG PARADE’s Coco Partin Coco as my personal kamioshi. I was insanely excited, but terrified, to see them again.
Well, I’m sure enough people saw my Twitter fangirling to know that it went okay. They were all lovely to see again, as always. Rei even pulled out a chair for me to sit on as we started the interview! As it was Hina’s birthday in a couple of days, I gave her a gift bag of chocolate and a Hedwig plushie, and she was happy, and then I was happy! There’s a lot really that I could babble on about. There’s not much to say about their actual performance that hasn’t already been said before; they were absolutely captivating, as always. I think Sari’s facial spider may have been powering my ability to take photos, as once I noticed that it had fallen from her face, my camera ran out of space and my phone ran out of battery. Spooky! Continue reading →
One week is a long enough gap for another good old-fashioned WACK Fun, right? Yeah, maybe not. Even my own cat, as I started typing this, batted at my hand in a manner that says “stop, human”. But whatever, because it looks like we may just get an idol reunion even bloodier than this week’s Saki/Sari smashdown:
Okay, TIF is a HUGE event, so it was bound to happen eventually, but it still brought me both chuckles and fear of what’s to come. The Pour Lui/Yuffie feud is historic, to the point where Puu still mocks Yuffie, and Yuffie won’t even acknowledge ever being a member of BiS. And now, a possible (backstage) reunion might be upon us with the appearance of the mascot-loving angel and a BILLIE IDLE that has been recently armed with a YouTube-loving hellspawn. Screw the auditions and concert tours, THIS should be the topic of the next WACK documentary! Continue reading →