The Corenament Championship Affair

EXT. SAN ANTONIO – NIGHT

Thousands of idol fans crowd the streets, chanting MIX to nothing in particular, jubilant in having taken part in such a spectacle as the 2018 Homicidols Corenament final

LOCAL NEWSCASTER: As you can see, it’s absolute pandemonium here outside the Alamodome. People are still having a hard time believing that Minna no Kodomo-chan did what should have been impossible in riding the Loser’s Bracket all the way to back-to-back thrashings of trendy pick Kaqriyo Terror Architect. It’s quite a sight!

VIZ MAJOR stumbles by, DRUNK, waving a CUSTOMIZED PEN BY CFH COSPLAY

VIZ MAJOR: I TOLD YOU PEOPLE! I TOLD YOU! NUMBER ONE!

INT. ALAMODOME – COURT – CONTINUOUS

Fans, staff and parents are gathered around HONO, CINNAMON and PRODUCER-SAN, and surrounding all of them are REPORTERS and PHOTOGRAPHERS. Producer-san is wearing a BASKETBALL NET around his neck

PRODUCER-SAN: The important thing was that we never said never. We believed in ourselves and refused to quit. We never said die out there, and we worked together as a team, and we definitely made sure that we did it for the fans, because our fans are the best fans in the world.

HONO: I still don’t know what happened! Continue reading

And Then There Were Two

And here we are. Three weeks, something around a bazillion matches, switcheroos, double eliminations, resurrections that led to immediate extra death … all to land us in what might be the least likely Corenament final in history.

Daemon’s regional winner, Kaqiryo Terror Architect, did it the old-fashioned way, winning every match in turn and taking a straight path to the final. Minna no Kodomo-chan, though, didn’t really pick up their momentum until they found themselves in the Loser’s Bracket (i.e., when their manager realized what was up and started to promote to their fans), ultimately absolutely crushing prohibitive annual favorites BiSH to round out the losers’ side (presumably because all of the WACK idols were getting prepped for those amazing auditions). There hasn’t been so clear a clash of outsiders since … uh, since … I don’t know! It doesn’t usually happen this way!

It looks like this: Continue reading

At Last, Corenament Clarity and a Path to the Championship

Did you think I was kidding when I said that yesterday’s Final Four action was going to be brutal? Fans of BiSH and Kaqriyo Terror Architect got into some kind of vote war (well over 200 in the span of a few hours), with the Codomomental upstart coming out on top and guaranteeing themselves a place in the final; and, with the very thorough support of management, Minna no Kodomo-chan absolutely wiped the floor with Hanako-san, who frankly didn’t seem all that interested:

Of course, she shortly thereafter followed that message with:

Well, Hanako-san, if you don’t want to be part of the game — even though you’re technically still alive! — it certainly makes things easier to have you out. Godspeed Good luck! I’d hate for this to all be some sort of convenient ruse!

That does leave us with one final match to see who needs to be in the final against Kakuriyo, though. Continue reading

The Corenament’s Revised Final Four: Slaughter

Finally, finally you guys, we are on the precipice of crowning a Corenament champion — the champion of idol in a very narrowly defined way! — after three increasingly stupid weeks and complicated set-ups and challenges and three of our entrants haven’t even taken a loss yet, how is this possible.

Yesterday! The results did manage to come in such that I hopefully don’t need to get extra cute in making this work over the weekend, which I’d just as soon not really do, as I’d like to be crowning a champion and not, you know, coming up with convoluted schemes. In fact, yesterday’s results were an absolute bloodbath: Poor Zekkyou, who’d held on for ever so long, finally took their second L and are out, slain at the hands of a highly vengeful (nice job, Rain!) Hanako-sn; Minna no Kodomo-chan didn’t need the late life that they got from their fans (not-sarcastically nice job, Kodomocafe!) to tear poor Saki to pieces. And because I’d promised that I’d re-award the unused Money in the Bank briefcase to either of 2& or Hanako-san if they lost yesterday — Saki, come claim your prize.*

Now we have a Final Four. Two undefeateds will face off, while the irrepressible Hanako-san will fight for her life against Hono and Cinnamon. Continue reading

We Found a Way to Make the Corenament Even More Exhausting

Do you partake in the NCAA Tournaments? They’re a grind. Even grindier, though, are the respective conference tournaments that are held prior to it — in larger conferences, a team might have to win four games in four days to win the title, and the ones that do are usually the ones who started at the bottom.

Wither Hanako-san, then. A 12 seed, and the only 12 in Corenament history to not only still be alive at this point, but to have a realistic chance at winning — despite your interference, Rain!again because they were cruelly recalled from death to stand in for lossless human demon girl Hanako-san. Rain truly believed in their power, and again they fell. And it robbed us of a chance to see upstart ass-kicker Kakuriyo against an unliving chika legend!

Saki, 2&, similar boat; Daemon felt that his best chance to progress wasn’t to stick with who had defeated the single greatest entity in the entire history of idol, but called up denizens of the dead NECRONOMIDOL after they had already faltered against Zekkyou. Necroma got smoked by BiSH, and, because they were already twice losers, had to be replaced in the Loser’s Bracket by the poor, hard-working solo idol they’d supplanted. Saki made lemonade out of Candye Syrup, Pikarin and There There Theres, and (seeing as how she identically has zero losses) stands poised to make my weekend miserable.

So here’s the deal: If Hanako-san and Saki both win today (respectively against Screaming Sixties and Minna no Kodomo-chan), we’ll make a new Final Four with a yet-to-be-determined* wrinkle; if either of them loses, they get the Money in the Bank briefcase from Queen of the Scene that Emi from Desu.Rabbits hasn’t ever tried to play; if they both lose, thereby giving all four competitors currently sitting in the Loser’s Bracket one loss, they can face each other in an interpolatory sub-round, then add one more match to the Loser’s winner prior to their shot at the winner of Kakuriyo-BiSH. Make sense? Probably not! Continue reading

The Corenament’s Final Rounds Are All about Violence

Well, now we’ve done it — we have a final pairing of Losers, and also a real-deal Final Four that’s such a perfect set-up that I can barely stand it.

First, let’s congratulate the two down-marquee tag-alongs for NECRONOMIDOL’s second British Invasion. I kid of course — Zekkyou and Saki have both proven over the years to be as consistent and well-regarded as any flash in the pain could ever hope. They’re like the Michigan State or Syracuse of the Corenament, if Michigan State or Syracuse were permitted to continue to play on despite having been defeated earlier in the event! Regardless, if either of them gets through the rest of the Survival Challenge, they’re going to be a real handful for whichever one of these four real winners clears to the final.

And what do we have, exactly? Continue reading

And Then There Were Four (Plus Four)

Well that wasn’t as exciting as I’d hoped it would be! The Corenament, though, is winding toward its inevitable BIG FINAL SHOWDOWN; while the True Final Four of Winners rest up, the Bad Final Four of Losers have at least one more match. The Survivor Challenge must have no survivors!

The biggest surprise? Maybe the biggest surprise of all, though whether you’d actually be surprised at There There Theres snaking a victory away from their little sisters is really up for debate (and sanity).

Videos return — who’s got the best? Continue reading

Can Anybody Best the Corenament’s Final Four?

Wow, that weekend was a slaughter, both in the world of the Corenament and in the NCAA event itself — Sister Jean and Loyola University-Chicago continue to shock the world (divine intervention!), and so do some of our competition. And in the bottom half of the bracket, where losers dwell and try to redeem themselves, it was no less a bloodbath. I am most pleased!

Your Final Four: Kaqriyo Terror Architect (Daemon #2), BiSH (Viz Major #2), Minna no Kodomo-chan (Viz Major #6) and none other than Hanako-san (Rain #12). We’ll let them catch their breath for a few days while we let the LOSER’S BRACKET progress. Continue reading

The Elite Eight Are Ready for Their Shining Moment, but the Survival Challenge Lurks

INT. CORENAMENT HQ – NIGHT

As the final results of the Sweet Sixteen are reckoned, The Committee is in furious discussion

DAEMON: This is absolute madness. The fix was clearly in!

CHRIS: But who would do that?

VIZ MAJOR: Honestly, I’m okay with this.

RAIN: You would be!

A punch is thrown

MANIAC: Gentlemen, gentlemen. What evidence do you have that the fix was in?

RAIN: (throwing receipts onto table) These money orders that were sent to some of the referees?

DAEMON: The fact that some jerk calling himself Shallow Face called me to say that he was paying for double points for 2&.

CHRIS: That does explain the large envelope full of money that somebody dropped in front of me the other day.

VIZ: Still okay with this.

MANIAC: I see. Let us soberly consider the implications and ways that we can make this competition more fair, more inclusive and way more weirder.


What a couple of days of action! The Sweet Sixteen did not disappoint. Were there fireworks? There sure were! Were there shocking upsets? Galore! Are the Bosses a little dejected and doing that hangdog thing? You bet! Is anybody satisfied? No human entities!

The Elite Eight have been chosen: Continue reading

The Corenament Enters Its Sweet Sixteen

Maniac was sick for most of the week and didn’t feel like trying to power through a proper recap of the first two rounds, so do indulge the following

Gosh DARN, you guys, this has been the most action-packed Corenament yet! And with only the faintest whiff of controversy! Instead, I daresay that the 32 Switcheroo was the (accidentally) perfect intervention to heighten the stakes and create some unique matchups that we ordinarily might have never gotten to see. The results?

Continue reading