The Hell Is Happening with THE BANANA MONKEYS

Banamon, please, please, I already wrote one baffling piece on you this week, stop fueling me.

Oh, god. At this point all I can really do for introductions to this Hell-group is…

PREVIOUSLY ON THE BANANA MONKEYS IDOL DUNGEON…

PHEW. Alright. Continue reading

Nothing’s Ever Normal or Easy with Banamon

If I could compare THE BANANA MONKEYS to anything at all, it wouldn’t be a banana, nor a monkey. It would be a bottle of Diet Coke. A bottle of Diet Coke that some jackass decided to do the Mentos prank with, then also shook it a few times just to make absolutely sure it would explode in just the right way, once opened. Because, much like a shaken-up Mentos-implanted bottle of Diet Coke, the person/s responsible for THE BANANA MONKEYS is likely a huge jackass. Also, when THE BANANA MONKEYS open up with some news, a whole damn bottle’s worth of eye-raising mess just comes exploding and pouring out and it feels like its never going to stop, until, in the end, we’re left with just a big uncomfortable mess that’s going to be a pain to clean up.

So, first things first. As mentioned in the last Weekender, Karin has decided to jump ship, citing that the general insanity that comes with being a Banana Monkey was just too much for her to deal with. But wait! There’s more!

So, remember that time when newbie Miru left for unexplained reasons, only it turned out she was a “licensed chiropractor”? This is basically a more minor repeat. Minmin (who lasted far longer than Miru ever did) suddenly stopped showing up to events, eventually announcing her withdrawal effective immediately. She claimed it was due to studying getting in the way of idoling, but apparently, it was because she was a cabaret worker? Unlike Miru, whose profile was right there, I couldn’t find anything about it other than the news article talking about the next thing, so let’s just take that one at face value.

So, now Banamon are now three members down, will they keep going as a duo? Of course not, what if they jump ship due to secret side-jobs too? They’re holding a quickie audition! Continue reading

Gentlemen, Your Chance to Be Aqbi Idols Has Arrived

Every so often, especially back in the early days of the site when every idol giggle felt like a momentous event that had to be shared with the world, I used to share audition information. Here’s a great example from way the heck back in the day. Then and even now, the process by which agencies refill their rosters with talent, and how groups sustain themselves through the inevitable chaos of teenagers’ whims and managers’ improprieties, is fascinating. Also alarming sometimes!

Now, friends, thanks to the unique generosity of Tanaka-san and Aqbi Rec, you too have an opportunity to join an all-male idol group under the There There Theres brand, as long as you’re between the ages of 15 and 22 and aren’t a total jerk:

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A Very Special Collaboration between Homicidols and WACK

So ever-so-briefly, Watanabe himself tweeted this out earlier:

It was a mistake, and he’s since deleted it, but I may as well let the cat out of the bag now so that you all can get ready for the first official partnership between Homicidols.com and The Most Infamous Man in Idol. Continue reading

I Guess We May as Well Prep for Another New WACK Group

My cynicism meter must be cranked all the way up this morning, because as soon as I saw that Watanabe’s Big Message was for yet another live training camp/audition thing, and that dun-dun-duuuuunnnn Aina was going to be a participant, all I could think was: WACK has run completely out of ideas, and this isn’t even remotely fun anymore. The Bring Me to Life BiS auditions were an event; last year’s pre-WACK Fes audition thing, while derivative, still had that element of anticipation; this just feels tired.

But then I bothered to read the stupid article:

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Ladybaby Will Live(?)

Color me somewhat surprised — after Rei unceremoniously split and Rie started up on her solo project, I was among those who thought that Ladybaby, of whatever iteration, was as good as dead. Yes, this is idol, and humans are interchangeable parts, and Ladybaby management has been pretty cutthroat about personnel in the past, but still.

So then imagine how hard the coffee shot out of my face when I read this:

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IDLE is DEAD: A Conspiracy Theory to Shake the World

So I wasn’t going to write about this. I already wrote a big thread on Twitter. But then John poked me asking why this isn’t on here, then I realised that running an idol news blog never stopped Maniac going full-on tin foil hat, so you know what? Screw it.

I’ve come to the (probably false) conclusion that something big is going to happen soon. Something big enough for me to be sat typing nonsense at 2:00 a.m. Something that will really shake up the idol world as long as you’re a WACK fan, probably. My theory?

Nozomi and Uika are going to quit BILLIE IDLE and re-join BiS.

And I have evidence to back it up! Continue reading

From Death Springs New Life: The Aftermath of Lyric Holic’s Demise

Every now and again, it’s worth following up on idols you particularly enjoyed. Sometimes, the hint you get is about as subtle as an explosion; other times, it’s just a little blip on the Twittersphere that says that maybe there’s something worth looking into.

Yesterday, a little bit of us kicked off following Lyric Holic official’s announcement that the group is inexplicably rebooting after dying:

“How peculiar,” I thought, largely because I always thought that Lyric Holic was effectively self-managed. “I wonder what the old members are up to in this case?” Continue reading

Up Up Girls Are Recruiting Wrestlers Because Deadlift Lolita Can’t Be the Only Idols Who Can Cause Concussions

I was thinking about what would be right for Tuesday WTF; this is perfect

What, you thought there was only room for one wrestling-themed idol unit?

It rarely feels like a week ago that the original buff idols, Up Up Girls (Kari), added new members. Probably because so far they’ve just been designated to back-up dancer and Showroom personality roles, but with the impending double-graduation of Minami and Ayano, five new girls just isn’t enough, it seems? Or maybe Up Up Girls 2 just aren’t matching up to their notably muscular seniors, because this time they’re teaming up with Japan’s DDT Wrestling Promotion and specifically looking for pro-wrestlers to join. Continue reading

A Funny Thing Happened During Last Night’s WACK Auditions

Despite my reservations (and desire to do anything but idol for an evening), I let Kerrie talk me into watching the all-group WACK audition marathon that began last night, and I let Garry talk me into joining the chat, and I have no agency of my own apparently because I’m blaming others for my choices.

That being acknowledged, thanks guys. You only get so many chances in life to hear Aina the End “audition” with GANG PARADE/Pla2me’s “Plastic 2 Mercy”:

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