Congratulations to Our Back-to-back Corenament Champions Minna no Kodomo-chan; Woe Be unto Those Sinister Forces Arrayed Against Them

From the Galaxy Note of Wilton P. Prescott Jr.

April 8, 2019

I’m still wrestling with what I just witnessed. I’ve been to every Corenament final since the inception — saw Kamen Joshi’s loaded audience in ’16, the BiSH-Babymetal staredown in ’17, Minna no Kodomo-chan’s supernaturally aided victory last year — and never once have I felt as awed, in the presence of greatness, as I do at this moment.

Like every year, I came for NECRONOMIDOL. Like every year, I watched them bow out early.

Like every year, I thought that PassCode might break through. Like every year, they were dropped by a lesser name.

Like every year, I had money riding on the outcome. I put it on YONEKO after her big second-round upset. Like every year, I leave the Corenament final a little bit poorer.

Like every year, I came because I expected to see greatness emerge. And this year, I finally truly saw it.

What Minna no Kodomo-chan accomplished in this run is not only historic, not only unprecedented; it’s almost unfathomable. To run that gauntlet once and emerge as champion in an event in which anything can happen, that’s reasonable, no matter how shocking the outcome. But to do it twice, and consecutively? I think people are still in shock.

Yes, from what I could tell, the sentimental favorite this time around was YONEKO. And she put up a good fight. But it was clear right from the tip that this was a one-sided affair, that the only thing keeping the outcome even remotely interesting was that dog-bitten girl’s incredible spirit and the sense from Kodomo-chan that they should keep it interesting.

Honestly, they made it look easy. And isn’t that what they always say? That that’s what the great ones do? They were toying with her out there. I’ve been to Super Bowls. World Cup finals. Seen the Stanley Cup hoisted on home and away ice. Even was in attendance for the Royal Rumble. And at no point in any of that did I see a performance this dominant with the stakes this high.

And of course there were the whispers, and those whispers only got louder as the evening wore on: That Necroma was screwed by a bad call; that Kaqriyo should’ve made it far enough for a rematch; that YONEKO benefited from some inexplicable home cooking to make it so far; that Hanako-san’s cryptic post-match remarks after being eliminated suggested that some kind of fix was in. To all of those conspiracy theorists, I say, feh. This might not have been the outcome that we wanted, but it’s the outcome that we got, and Minna no Kodomo-chan earned every inch of it.

Twice champions, Minna no Kodomo-chan have done something that previously seemed impossible — they proved the long-term loyalty of the hearts of idol wota, and they showed that pure creative power truly can be rewarded.

Tony, this is going to need some edits before it’s ready for press. How’s the angle? Does it need more on the match itself? I’m going to hit this little bar down the street — looks like it’s still open. Talk to you in the morning.


EXT. Central Minneapolis – Night

While a few DRUNK VIRGINIA FANS still mill about the streets, it’s otherwise quiet and still on this chilly early spring evening. A tiny WOMAN in a nun’s habit — SISTER JEAN — sits patiently on a bench.

An equally tiny FIGURE, all in red — HANAKO-SAN — appears next to her from thin air!

SISTER JEAN: So it’s done then.

HANAKO-SAN: It’s done. I think we made our point.

SISTER JEAN: It’s still very noble of you.

HANAKO-SAN: Noble … How can it be noble when my motivations are so evil?

SISTER JEAN: Evil is in the eye of the beholder, my child, and you are compelled by forces greater than yourself.

HANAKO-SAN: Still though. I have to hurt people I love.

SISTER JEAN: So do we all in this great game. (beat) Are all things prepared for the next step?

HANAKO-SAN: I’ll be announcing the damned record this week, so yes.

SISTER JEAN: Good. You will be acquiring hundreds of souls to back us.

HANAKO-SAN: And still can’t save my own.

SISTER JEAN: Patience, dear, patience. I have spoken with the Great Old Ones. Our task is nearly complete. Deliverance will be ours.


INT. BIKER BAR – NIGHT

Despite appearances, tonight this bar has been given over to a different sort of conclave, this of IDOLS. Dozens of figures great and small are CIRCLED UP. The air is SMOKY.

MINAMI NAO: I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve had about enough.

JUNNOSUKE WATANABE: It’s rigged. I’d know, I’ve been trying to rig it myself for years, and I keep getting out-rigged.

RICKY WILSON: Well, maybe if you’d start to play it fair like we do, we’d all have better luck.

SOZELICA: Oh please. You’re just saying that because you lost Sari.

KiKA FRONT FRONTALE: We all lost Sari.

MILCBOY: Shut up, all of you. We were supposed to have corrected for this failure after last year.

2&: Right. There was a plan.

RICKY WILSON: Oh, spare me your plans. Everybody here knows that we needed Sari as Queen of the Scene to rally enough power to stop whatever keeps these girls in control of whatever they want to control. You ruined that.

2&: And you sicced your hair monster on me in retaliation. Real smart, ace.

YONEKO: Please stop. This isn’t the way.

MILCBOY: No, it isn’t. The way would have been for you to actually show up and make a challenge of it. That was a disgrace.

(YONEKO BLUSHES)

MILCBOY: This can’t go on. We need another solution.

NADESHIKO: But what solution? Whatever’s backing them is like nothing I can imagine.

RICKY WILSON: It’s the Great Old Ones, I swear it. This is retaliation.

MILCBOY: Well, whatever it is, it needs something just as powerful to fight it. We face a turning point in history, friends. BiS is dead. Chika idol is big business. “Alt” has lost all meaning. All that’s left is history. How we tell the story of how we all came to be, how our world came to be, and who gets to be remembered for it. Things like tonight? We are all at risk if these ragged little upstarts can take it all away so easily.

WATANABE: So what then?

MILCBOY: The Great Old Ones aren’t the only things in the world with power. I had an idea while catching up on Game of Thrones — Westeros was safe from the White Walkers as long as the Wall stood.

BENI: But then the Night King got one of Dany’s dragons and blasted it down!

MILCBOY: Very astute. Yes, for all the power of our numbers, there’s an obstacle in our way. The only way that we can win the war is for us to turn one of the most powerful forces in the world to our side of the fight.

A young woman, all TWIN TAILS and CHEEKS and black and red BODY ARMOR, steps slowly from behind the bar.

YUIMETAL: Did you miss me?

STAY TUNED FOR QUEEN OF THE SCENE III: YUI’S REVENGE, COMING THIS JULY FROM HOMICIDOLS DOT COM!

A Year This Chaotic Deserves a Corenament Final This Unexpected

Well dang, you guys. Tell me if you saw this coming: Minna no Kodomo-chan not only making a return to the Corenament final, but absolute dismantling every opponent foolish enough to step into their path along the way; opposite them, the little weirdo that could, a giantslayer if ever there was one in this event, former dog bite victim and Homicidols Dot Com interview subject YONEKO. I usually have a low-key private rooting interest when we do these things (and am often disappoint!), but this time I find myself in the position of an over-proud parent. Hell, I’ve been that way through the entire Final Four!

This one’s for all the marbles*, gang. A culmination of victories large and small can only be a perfect synthesis. New-school loud idols against an established performer doing new things, the defending champs against a sentimental upstart. It’s poetry, I tell you. Now let’s settle it for good and all: Continue reading

The Corenament Final Four Has Arrived. Hold on to Your Butts.

Well, team, we made it. As promised, today begins the Final Four, and what a final four it is — favorites and underdogs and dark horses and other metaphors all meeting to decide who this year’s Corenament champion will be. And we haven’t even had any fanfic yet! Amazing. We truly do live in wild times.

The bracket, as it now stands:

Continue reading

The 2019 Homicidols Corenament Elite Eight Is Great, So Let’s Cut That in Half

Dang, you guys, this year’s Corenament — sans the usual convoluted rules, sudden twists and manipulative attempts to drag things out — has tons of cool turns anyway. I like it!

Yesterday, we wrapped up the Sweet Sixteen (parts 1 and 2). I was out watching some of the regular men’s tournament and not-enjoying having all sense of goodness and right trod upon several times in quick succession. It was rough! But not as rough as seeing quite a few personal favorites get eliminated from this annual extravaganza.

Today begins our Elite Eight, to run through tomorrow before next weekend’s big Final Four showdown. This is no tricks, no frills, just straight-up MV vs. MV battles for supremacy and the coveted championship belt fanfic post. Oh, and being treated like royalty by editorial policy, too, I guess. Continue reading

The 2019 Homicidols Corenament Sweet Sixteen, Part the Second

Holy crap, you guys, yesterday’s Sweet Sixteen first half was awesome! Zenkimi won out after a furious (if by “furious” I mean “six hours long”) comeback, BiSH narrowly pulled out a tight one against JyuJyu … and YONEKO was the day’s Upset Special, humiliating BBTS after a back-and-forth battle. It was so wild that Minna no Kodomo-chan drowning NaNoMoRaL in a bathtub (metaphorically!) was actually the most shocking result, and it shouldn’t have been, because these things get seeded the way they do for a reason, kids.

Anyway, the bracket now looks like:

And today’s Sweet Sixteen second half is going to be an absolute bloodbath! Continue reading

The 2019 Homicidols Corenament Sweet Sixteen, Part the First

Welcome back, friends, to the 2019 Homicidols Corenament! Last week’s opening round of 32 was … well, it had some interesting results. You can check out the first go and the second, plus overtime in what would have been the biggest upset in Corenament history had not somebody stuffed the ballot box Kaqriyo Terror Architect hit their buzzer-beater and advanced. Ah, March Madness!

The bracket:

Continue reading

Extra Corenament Overtime Time!

You guys, something completely unprecedented has happened: It’s normal for two contestants for the Corenament title to be tied at the end of regulation, so overtime is, uh, normal; it’s only happened once before this round that overtime has needed extra overtime, and guess what? At least then a decision was reached and somebody went home in tears!

Nope, for the first time ever, we have two idol groups, having gone toe-to-toe through regulation, OT and then another OT (re: overnight!) have still failed to break their tie. And that means … well, more OT. But structured!

Kaqriyo Terror Architect, last year’s runner-up and an early favorite for this year’s title, is at risk of pulling a Virginia and falling to the lowest seed in the event, DAIDAIDAI, who are in the Corenament for the first time but clearly pulling their own amount of fan favoritism. Their incredible energy has proven an equal match for Kaqriyo’s, well, being Kaqriyo! So we need to settle this for once and all.

I’ll take this down at my noontime. Winner advances; loser gets a participation trophy.

And may the gods help us if they’re somehow still tied.

The 2019 Homicidols Corenament, Round 1 Part 2

Wow! We had ourselves one heck of a first half of a first round of the 2019 Homicidols Corenament! (If you’re very confused, start here.) I’ll spare the world the recap for now, but go ahead and say up front anyway: lol @ Babymetal. You’re basically Tennessee!*

Our bracket now looks like this:

And plenty more action to come!

The rest of the round will run starting now until Sunday night / Monday morning / when I remember to close the polls. None of these matchups are deliberate and some I now regret, but so it goes when half of what you do is random and the other half is purely for your own amusement! Continue reading

The 2019 Homicidols Corenament, Round 1

All righty, folks, the Big Dance has finally arrived, and now begins the arduous process of crowning a new Corenament champion for 2019! I very literally cannot believe that this is the fourth iteration of this contest. You’d think that we’d have better things to do!

If you need background, go read the primer. If you need assistance, friend, there isn’t any. All I can say at this point is that Sister Jean’s promise to Hanako-san from last year is still unrealized, and that there’s still plenty of lingering, simmering resentment not just from last year’s outcome, but come the shocking conclusion to Queen of the Scene as well. Milcboy will not be denied!

Here’s your big board:

How are we competing? Music videos! Which ones? IT’S COMPLETELY RANDOM! If you’re at all familiar with the NCAA Tournament, you know very well how random performance can be from one game to another — to win the thing, not only do you need to be able to play your best for six straight games over three weeks, but at a level that’s at least one score better than your opponent in every one of those games. Slip up a little bit, try to relax, not take your opponent seriously, happen to have a bad game, happen to have an opponent who’s a terrible matchup for you? See you next year, chump! Continue reading

Your 2019 Homicidols Corenament Primer

People love to bang on about traditions and rites and whatnot. It’s fine! I happen to dig on a little bit of nostalgia myself, especially when I can get invested in some element thereof. And if I invent the thing? Well then sure, I’ll care even extra!

So: Ah, friends, is there any finer tradition in sports, any finer rite of spring than the Corenament? For those uninitiated into its mysteries, the Corenament is an annual competition, spiritually akin to the famed NCAA basketball tournament, but realistically absolutely nothing like it except for a cheap branding opportunity! We set a bracket, we populate it with idols, and we vote, ever so many times over a few weeks, until we have a champion. In order, past champs are Kamen Joshi, Babymetal and Minna no Kodomo-chan. It’s an excuse to fanfic. Good times had by most!

We’ll kick things off on Thursday, which is the day when the real tournament games begin, as opposed to like right now, which is when the NCAA starts things with their convoluted extended field. In fact, we’re going to make things simpler this year than in the past by having a smaller field for once, and by emphasizing real things to compete head-to-head with, and by adding the kinds of random variables that populate IRL sporting events but are usually minimized in a controlled environment like online polls and stuff.

Anyway, your field is: Continue reading