INT. DARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL RESTROOM – NIGHT
A few flickering candles illuminate the room, the light doubled and re-doubled by the mirrors above each sink. Two of the three stall doors are closed, but the third, the middle, is OPEN. SAKI (20) stands in a CIRCLE OF PROTECTION on the floor.
Saki: Hanako-san. Hanako-san. HANAKO-SAN!
The 14TH GENERATION HANAKO OF THE TOILET (eternal, also like 14) APPEARS IN THE OPEN STALL!
Hanako-san: Who calls!
Saki: It’s just me, Hanako-san.
Hanako-san: Oh. Why the theatrics? You have my LINE.
Saki: Maniac said that it’d play better this way.
Hanako-san: Oh, that guy. So?
Saki: Well, you know that I stole the Homicidols Queen of the Scene title from Sari while we were in the United Kingdom.
Hanako-san: I do at that.
Saki: And I know that you helped to arrange for that with your selflessness during the Corenament.
Saki: Maniac told me that I’ll need to defend my title this week.
Hanako-san: I see.
Saki: Right. So, from what I remember, you were promised something.
Hanako-san: I was.
Saki: Can I ask what that is?
Hanako-san: Unfortunately, I don’t actually know what it is. Sister Jean was very cryptic about it. All she said was that “no good deed goes unpunished.”
Saki: That could mean anything.
Hanako-san: It could also be that she was just acting as a cypher for the jerk in charge and was using a well-known nihilistic idiom.
Saki: Well, do you think that you’ll be able to help me? I’ve only been the Official Oshimen for a few weeks, and I’d like to be able to continue.
Hanako-san: Prophesy is tricky, especially for toilet ghosts like me. Ask me to show you the blackest chaos of your psyche, no problem; I can’t see the future, though, only what’s possible.
Saki: It’s going to be a long week.
Yes, friends, welcome back to Queen of the Scene! This one-of-a-kind competition serves to show which individual idol is the bestest, most beloved performer in the loudness-related idolsphere. And, just like the Corenament, it’s up for the fans to decide.
Unlike the Corenament, it’s a wrestling event! Last year’s week-long competition was absolute madness and a real pain in the butt to manage, plus we have a unique situation on hand because the original QotS winner, Sari of NECRONOMIDOL, feel victim to Saki (2&)’s sneak attack last month. How to handle this matter equitably gave me a headache, so I decided to simplify.
Yes, we’ll do Queen of the Scene this week. Yes, Saki will have to defend. But! Because she only just claimed the tiara, and because it’s easier to manage, and because I think everybody gets burned out on these suckers, Saki will only have to face one challenger, with some handicaps chucked in for fun.
And who might that be? Nobody knows yet! Rather than throw all of the idols into a long, complicated, rules-what-are-rules? thingamajig that I frankly don’t have the time to manage properly, we’ll hold a 30-idol battle royale to determine the new #1 contender. That’s Wednesday.
Then, on Friday, it’s a no-holds-barred Three Levels of Hell match between that idol and Saki for the right to hold the title and take over the weekly Oshi Digest until it is cruelly wrested away.
Make sense? I doubt it! Just stay tuned for Wednesday. And if you happen to have any particular idols who you think deserve to have a shot at Saki’s title, go ahead and call them out. So far, only members of Team Codomomental are guaranteed spots in the throw-down.