Congratulations to Our Back-to-back Corenament Champions Minna no Kodomo-chan; Woe Be unto Those Sinister Forces Arrayed Against Them

From the Galaxy Note of Wilton P. Prescott Jr.

April 8, 2019

I’m still wrestling with what I just witnessed. I’ve been to every Corenament final since the inception — saw Kamen Joshi’s loaded audience in ’16, the BiSH-Babymetal staredown in ’17, Minna no Kodomo-chan’s supernaturally aided victory last year — and never once have I felt as awed, in the presence of greatness, as I do at this moment.

Like every year, I came for NECRONOMIDOL. Like every year, I watched them bow out early.

Like every year, I thought that PassCode might break through. Like every year, they were dropped by a lesser name.

Like every year, I had money riding on the outcome. I put it on YONEKO after her big second-round upset. Like every year, I leave the Corenament final a little bit poorer.

Like every year, I came because I expected to see greatness emerge. And this year, I finally truly saw it.

What Minna no Kodomo-chan accomplished in this run is not only historic, not only unprecedented; it’s almost unfathomable. To run that gauntlet once and emerge as champion in an event in which anything can happen, that’s reasonable, no matter how shocking the outcome. But to do it twice, and consecutively? I think people are still in shock.

Yes, from what I could tell, the sentimental favorite this time around was YONEKO. And she put up a good fight. But it was clear right from the tip that this was a one-sided affair, that the only thing keeping the outcome even remotely interesting was that dog-bitten girl’s incredible spirit and the sense from Kodomo-chan that they should keep it interesting.

Honestly, they made it look easy. And isn’t that what they always say? That that’s what the great ones do? They were toying with her out there. I’ve been to Super Bowls. World Cup finals. Seen the Stanley Cup hoisted on home and away ice. Even was in attendance for the Royal Rumble. And at no point in any of that did I see a performance this dominant with the stakes this high.

And of course there were the whispers, and those whispers only got louder as the evening wore on: That Necroma was screwed by a bad call; that Kaqriyo should’ve made it far enough for a rematch; that YONEKO benefited from some inexplicable home cooking to make it so far; that Hanako-san’s cryptic post-match remarks after being eliminated suggested that some kind of fix was in. To all of those conspiracy theorists, I say, feh. This might not have been the outcome that we wanted, but it’s the outcome that we got, and Minna no Kodomo-chan earned every inch of it.

Twice champions, Minna no Kodomo-chan have done something that previously seemed impossible — they proved the long-term loyalty of the hearts of idol wota, and they showed that pure creative power truly can be rewarded.

Tony, this is going to need some edits before it’s ready for press. How’s the angle? Does it need more on the match itself? I’m going to hit this little bar down the street — looks like it’s still open. Talk to you in the morning.


EXT. Central Minneapolis – Night

While a few DRUNK VIRGINIA FANS still mill about the streets, it’s otherwise quiet and still on this chilly early spring evening. A tiny WOMAN in a nun’s habit — SISTER JEAN — sits patiently on a bench.

An equally tiny FIGURE, all in red — HANAKO-SAN — appears next to her from thin air!

SISTER JEAN: So it’s done then.

HANAKO-SAN: It’s done. I think we made our point.

SISTER JEAN: It’s still very noble of you.

HANAKO-SAN: Noble … How can it be noble when my motivations are so evil?

SISTER JEAN: Evil is in the eye of the beholder, my child, and you are compelled by forces greater than yourself.

HANAKO-SAN: Still though. I have to hurt people I love.

SISTER JEAN: So do we all in this great game. (beat) Are all things prepared for the next step?

HANAKO-SAN: I’ll be announcing the damned record this week, so yes.

SISTER JEAN: Good. You will be acquiring hundreds of souls to back us.

HANAKO-SAN: And still can’t save my own.

SISTER JEAN: Patience, dear, patience. I have spoken with the Great Old Ones. Our task is nearly complete. Deliverance will be ours.


INT. BIKER BAR – NIGHT

Despite appearances, tonight this bar has been given over to a different sort of conclave, this of IDOLS. Dozens of figures great and small are CIRCLED UP. The air is SMOKY.

MINAMI NAO: I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve had about enough.

JUNNOSUKE WATANABE: It’s rigged. I’d know, I’ve been trying to rig it myself for years, and I keep getting out-rigged.

RICKY WILSON: Well, maybe if you’d start to play it fair like we do, we’d all have better luck.

SOZELICA: Oh please. You’re just saying that because you lost Sari.

KiKA FRONT FRONTALE: We all lost Sari.

MILCBOY: Shut up, all of you. We were supposed to have corrected for this failure after last year.

2&: Right. There was a plan.

RICKY WILSON: Oh, spare me your plans. Everybody here knows that we needed Sari as Queen of the Scene to rally enough power to stop whatever keeps these girls in control of whatever they want to control. You ruined that.

2&: And you sicced your hair monster on me in retaliation. Real smart, ace.

YONEKO: Please stop. This isn’t the way.

MILCBOY: No, it isn’t. The way would have been for you to actually show up and make a challenge of it. That was a disgrace.

(YONEKO BLUSHES)

MILCBOY: This can’t go on. We need another solution.

NADESHIKO: But what solution? Whatever’s backing them is like nothing I can imagine.

RICKY WILSON: It’s the Great Old Ones, I swear it. This is retaliation.

MILCBOY: Well, whatever it is, it needs something just as powerful to fight it. We face a turning point in history, friends. BiS is dead. Chika idol is big business. “Alt” has lost all meaning. All that’s left is history. How we tell the story of how we all came to be, how our world came to be, and who gets to be remembered for it. Things like tonight? We are all at risk if these ragged little upstarts can take it all away so easily.

WATANABE: So what then?

MILCBOY: The Great Old Ones aren’t the only things in the world with power. I had an idea while catching up on Game of Thrones — Westeros was safe from the White Walkers as long as the Wall stood.

BENI: But then the Night King got one of Dany’s dragons and blasted it down!

MILCBOY: Very astute. Yes, for all the power of our numbers, there’s an obstacle in our way. The only way that we can win the war is for us to turn one of the most powerful forces in the world to our side of the fight.

A young woman, all TWIN TAILS and CHEEKS and black and red BODY ARMOR, steps slowly from behind the bar.

YUIMETAL: Did you miss me?

STAY TUNED FOR QUEEN OF THE SCENE III: YUI’S REVENGE, COMING THIS JULY FROM HOMICIDOLS DOT COM!

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